


A Different Empathy

by annabeth_at_the_helm



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Irony, Lesbian Sex, M/M, Romance, Suspense, Yaoi, Yuri, gratuitous use of the word "love", supernatural themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 20:29:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14838654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabeth_at_the_helm/pseuds/annabeth_at_the_helm
Summary: What is love?  It is a journey.  A journey of time, and place, and marked by signposts that speak of important milestones.  But love is not the destination.  It is not the ideal, or the goal.  It is not the directive, but the constant, changing, and ever-shifting motion of time and space that leads to one inevitable conclusion:  death.





	A Different Empathy

**Author's Note:**

> ~*~ flashback;  
> ==+== narration change;  
> \--+-- scene change (also time change);  
> ************** concurrent scene;  
> //visions, dreams//;  
> /emphasis/;  
> written for www.gwyaoi.org 's Alternate Paths novella challenge.
> 
> This was originally written in 2003, but I'm resurrecting it. :P

What is love? It is a journey. A journey of time, and place, and marked by signposts that speak of important milestones. But love is not the destination. It is not the ideal, or the goal. It is not the directive, but the constant, changing, and ever-shifting motion of time and space that leads to one inevitable conclusion: death. Life is similar. Life is a never-ceasing movement towards the cessation of life, but love... Love is what makes that inevitable conclusion worthwhile. Love is a journey of learning, of trying to understand. It is a source of pain, and a source of great joy.

Love is not an end result. You cannot search for love and expect to find it. Love is the process of getting to know another person who could be entirely different from you, and it is the continual shift in that process.

It's the journey that finally gets you there. Never think that because you are in love that you have found love. It cannot be pinned down, or easily earmarked. Just when you think that you have it captured under glass -- like a butterfly newly pinned -- it will take flight, and change, and change again.

But love is what makes life interesting, and its fluid ability to exist outside of time and space is what makes /love/ interesting.

Just because it rests over you, hovering like an iridescent cloud, don't be fooled by the illusion. Try to hold onto it, and it will dissipate like morning mist.

That's what this story is about. It's about two young men who had love, and lost it, and spent their lives searching. It's about the journey that they made, until at last they found each other -- and love found them. Because love does what it wants. Like a fluttering insect, it chases honey, and dreams, and will-o'-the-wisps. It creates life and destroys it. It settles for mere moments on some couples and entire lifetimes on others. These two young men experienced the sting of love several times throughout their lives, but only once would it last. And with that lasting, they came to the end of their journey.

As this story begins, both are long dead, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that they greeted the end of their lives with love in their hearts, and binding them permanently together.

Forever, for them, may not be long enough.

==+==

It was very early morning, just like every early morning, and Heero was already up and making coffee. He'd been out of college for six-and-a-half months and he had a job programming computers, but the hours were insane -- he went into work for five in the morning. He had spent four of those months learning his new job and courting the girl he'd begun to date in college, a relatively intelligent government and politics major, Relena Darlian. As he began to beat his eggs into submission with a fork, the doorbell rang. From the bedroom he shared with his girlfriend came the sleepy inquiry,

"Darling? Who could possibly be at the door at /this/ hour?"

"I don't know, love, but I'll find out," he replied, and grabbing his glass of orange juice on the way, went into the living room to answer the door. Standing outside on his porch, illuminated by the beginnings of the sunrise, stood a petite girl with close-cropped hair about the same age as his Relena. He unbolted the door and turned the latch, and opened it a crack.

"May I help you?" he asked frostily. It /was/ four in the morning, after all.

"Yes, I believe so. Recently a young woman was hired by the local congressman's office, and she helped put a bill into motion that would protect runaways and teenagers kicked out of their homes. Unfortunately, it won't pass in time for me -- if it does at all -- but I've been thrown out of my house for getting pregnant. Oh, yes, and that young lady is your girlfriend, Relena Darlian."

"It's four in the morning," Heero said, disbelieving.

"I was hoping your significant other would be moved enough by my plight to give me someplace to stay for a few days."

"I don't know. Come back tomorrow," and Heero shut the door in her face. He didn't care who she was. If he'd had any social skills, he wouldn't be a computer programmer, now would he? By that point Relena had been roused enough by the early morning action to have gotten out of bed, and she was in the kitchen, scrambling Heero's eggs for him.

"Thank you, darling, for cooking my breakfast."

"I didn't want you to be late because some loony tunes person chose this hour of the morning to knock on our door."

"You're absolutely perfect, do you know that? Generous to a fault, and beautiful besides."

"Is that why I live here?" she teased gently, and was rewarded by one of Heero's rare, full grins.

"Only partially. You are also a great cook," he joked in return.

"Oh, you!" she lifted the fork and flung some of the half-cooked eggs at him, but he ducked too quickly. They splattered on the white wall, and she burst into laughter.

"Well, at least I'll have something to do while you're at work. Who was at the door, anyway?"

"Some girl. She knew who you were, and said she needed a place to live for a few days. I swear, some people have such gall..."

"Oh, Heero! You slammed the door in her face? What were you thinking? Goodness, that poor girl. I should see if she's still outside...: Relena dropped the fork into the congealing eggs, and Heero grimaced. His breakfast had not gotten the attention it deserved, and frankly, neither had he. He watched the lithe figure of his girl as she trotted out to the front door and clicked the porch light on. He scraped his eggs onto a paper plate, snagged the salt on his way past, and determined to eat his breakfast anyway. He would ignore his pique. He sat down on the couch and dumped the rapidly cooling plate of eggs onto the portable snack table, and began to eat. He had not lied when he'd complimented Relena on her cooking, but it usually required her to pay attention. One of the things he'd always liked about her though: that when she got amused, she was highly entertaining. Yes, he decided, even when his eggs suffered, she was worth working into a fit of excitement, because the colour rose high on her cheeks, and her small yet precisely rounded breasts were guaranteed to heave as she grew more flustered. It more than made up for his poor breakfast. He ate quickly, aware that he was already running quite late, but a mouthful of eggs found their way onto his neatly pressed khakis when he heard Relena utter,

"Of /course/ you can come in. Don't mind Heero, he's a bear sometimes, but it's mostly talk. I wouldn't force you to stay on the street if I could help it!" Despite Relena's lovely countenance and enchanting figure, Heero was displeased. He disliked at times the strange moods that women got themselves into, and this was one of those times. She was ushering the young girl into their living room, and he snorted in disgust. Fuck the egg stain on his pants. He did not want to be around a couple of simpering girls. He shoved out the back door, climbed into his car, and burned rubber out of the driveway.

Relena looked up as she heard Heero's car tear down the street, but she shrugged and turned her attention back to the young girl, whose name was Hilde. Hilde and Relena were sitting on a black leather couch -- Heero's choice -- and the girl had begun to explain her story to Relena.

"Well, so you see, I have this boyfriend. His name is Duo, and we've been going out for a little over a year now. I started sleeping with him about three months ago -- I know, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you all this. The reason is, the more that you understand, the better. Anyway, Duo is an orphan who was adopted by the local pastor when he was six years old. No one knows who he is or anything about his parents.

"Now my parents were always just a little upset that I had a 'no-name' boyfriend, as they called him, but they preferred to pretend he didn't exist, believing instead that I would lose interest eventually and fall in love with someone more suitable. The problem is, you can't choose who you fall in love with."

"I know that feeling," Relena sympathised, patting the other girl's shoulder. "My mother had the hardest time when I moved in with Heero, not because he wasn't successful and handsome, but in part because I was going to be living with him, and in part because he's Japanese."

"He is? Wow...I've never seen eyes that colour on a Japanese before."

"Yeah. I always thought it was unique and attractive. But I've interrupted your story. Please go on."

"Right. Actually this story begins about three years ago, but I was hoping to leave that part out. Back at that time I was in high school, a freshman -- I'm a senior now, or would be, except they kicked me out -- and I met a girl named Dorothy. She had the longest blonde hair and the longest fingernails I've ever seen. And her nails were always perfect. We got to be friends, and then we got close. She did things with me that no one else was willing to do, really. She took me shopping, we went to the beach together, we went on these incredibly long and scenic walks. She didn't know it, but the more attention she gave me, the more interested I became.

"After about seven months, all told, we had gotten to the point where I was often allowed to stay overnight at her house, and as a matter of fact, spent more of my time there than at home. My parents were usually working, so they thought this arrangement was just 'dandy' -- their word -- and never said anything to me about it. But Dorothy was a very pretty girl, and since I was at her house so much, I began to see her naked quite often. In fact, we would shower together in the mornings before school, because it saved time. This doesn't bother you, does it?"

"No, not at all. I'd love to hear more."

"All right. Well, one of those times..."

 

~*~

 

"Really, Hilde, you don't have to be so modest," Dorothy teased, carelessly stripping out of her white denim shorts and navy blue halter top. She dragged a hand through her long blonde hair, trying to work some of the tangles out after the tennis game the two girls had just played, and smiled at her friend. Hilde grinned back, but didn't remove her clothes just yet. Dorothy was beautiful, entertaining, and gave her more attention than anyone, but there was still something just a tiny bit odd about the other girl. She was almost three years older, for one thing, which made it quite strange that she would have lowered herself enough to hang out with a mere freshman. But Hilde was not about to complain. Lithe, blonde, and very curvaceous, Dorothy was nearly the prettiest girl in school. Actually, that honor belonged exclusively to one of the senior girls known as Noin. She was taller than Dorothy, slim, with perfectly-shaped small breasts and short dark hair. No one was quite sure why they were so attracted to her, but there was something very distinct about both her appearance and personality. Dorothy, in particular, was quite enamoured of the girl. Just one more small thing Hilde has noticed by being quiet and observing, rather than trying to compete with all of the other popular girls. It was because of Dorothy that she had a place in the popular circle at all, and she knew it. Hilde was very much in awe of her friend, but not quite willing to let Dorothy know as much. As she contemplated, the taller girl unclasped her bra, pushed her panties down slender, shapely legs, and stood gloriously nude in front of the bathroom mirror. She flicked one long fingernail against her berry-colored nipple, just for Hilde's reaction, but was slightly disappointed when she got none. Finally, she turned back to her friend.

"Come on, Hilde. It's just a shower. The only reason I suggested it is because we have those extra classes in an hour, and we won't both have time to wash. You know as well as I do that girls don't sweat the way guys do, but we've still been playing tennis for an hour. We need the shower. I'll even wash your back," she cajoled.

"I suppose. Don't look," Hilde said, as she began to remove her green tank top. Dorothy laughed.

"I'm going to see when we're in the shower. Come on, luv, don't be so bashful!"

"Well..." Hilde wrestled with her conscience. She'd never been one of those girls to be excessively modest, but it was one thing in the girls changing locker, it was something entirely different in Dorothy's modern bathroom. Especially when Dorothy was lovelier than she could ever hope to attain. She was also not quite settled with the idea of showering with another girl, even one as intriguing and exciting as the blonde. Dorothy watched her struggle, then snagged the strap of the tank top and pulled it to the side. She whistled appreciatively. Hilde blushed and lowered her eyes.

"What was that for?"

"Well, for one thing, I was expecting you to be wearing a bra. For another, you have the most adorable tits I've ever seen."  
"Yours are larger," Hilde observed.

"Yes, and they can be quite a pain. But yours are exactly a handful, and the nipples are proportioned perfectly. Some guy is gonna cream his shorts over you someday." She ruffled Hilde's short hair. Hilde shifted uncomfortably, uncertain about the turn this seemingly innocent shower had taken. Then again, there was a quiver in her legs and a definite thrill in the beating of her heart. Hadn't she been admiring Dorothy all along? Had not the other girl just openly admired her in return, even complimented her on it? Trying not to appear too eager, Hilde unbuttoned and yanked the pleated skirt off, and then stood for a moment in nothing but the white cotton bikini panties she'd chosen so carefully that morning. At last her mother was allowing her to shop for herself, and already her wardrobe had changed. Dorothy's expressive lake-colored eyes followed the line of Hilde's figure, and then she nodded.

"I was right. The guys are gonna fall all over themselves fighting over you, when you get a little older. I've already seen some of them looking, but most won't make a move yet because you're still only a freshman."

"Is that so?" Hilde asked, mostly to fill the sudden void of silence left when Dorothy stopped speaking. Her voice was huskier than usual, revealing her nervousness more than she would have liked. But the older girl didn't seem to notice, as she turned the shower taps. She glanced over her shoulder and tried not to burst into laughter.

"Hil, you're going to have to remove your panties as well. I know for a fact that you haven't got any spares here -- most of them are in the wash."

"I could borrow yours," Hilde teased back playfully. She wondered if Dorothy would be completely weirded out by the concept. She needn't have worried.

"Yeah, I suppose you could. Take 'em off anyway and get in here."

"All right," Hilde obliged, and followed Dorothy into the shower. Once inside, she jumped a little when Dorothy caressed her side with a finger.

"I've had my eye on you for awhile, and I thought you might be amenable to this kind of contact. If you aren't, tell me to stop now, and I will. No hard feelings. If you ever want me to cease and desist in the future, it's the same. I'll always respect that, even if I don't always seem serious," she murmured in a very low voice.

"You don't have to stop just yet," Hilde replied, and those would prove rather fateful words indeed. Dorothy didn't do much more than stroke Hilde's soap-slick body that day, but the petite brunette knew that the dampness between her thighs wasn't shower water or sweat. Worthy of note, Dorothy never kissed her that first time. It was an experience that Hilde would never forget, and also one that would shape her future quite a bit. It was the beginning of something that, at least for Hilde, would turn to love -- and the love for Dorothy would never entirely fade.

 

~*~

 

"That was just the first time," Hilde reassured Relena, who appeared a bit shocked. "I never meant to fall in love with her. I certainly did not intend to get as close as I did, and that's what caused the first major rift between me and my parents. They couldn't understand that I loved her. They thought the relationship was all about sex and, don't believe what they tell you, Rel. No matter what anyone says homosexuality is still considered a sin at best and downright evil at worst. My mom must have thought that I was a demon of some sort, the way that she carried on. My father was just disgusted. He wouldn't look at me. The awful thing was, Dorothy wasn't in love with me. She adored playing with me, and she had a list of sexual tricks a mile long. It wasn't long before we were regularly spending time screwing each other.

"She liked to tie me up, and I enjoyed it. I was in love with her, remember. It was sad, though, because I was never a lesbian. I've never been attracted to a girl since, and so all that trouble exploded over one stupid first love. I don't think Dorothy ever loved me in return, and I'm not certain that what I felt wasn't just infatuation. But either way, I believed that I was in love with her. When things between my parents started to get too volatile, Dorothy decided that I needed a boyfriend to counteract my parents' wrath. He would be mostly a cover for our continued activities, and that way, I could still make love to her whenever she wanted me to. She told me she had the perfect guy, one who owed her a favor. Unfortunately, that was Duo. I say unfortunately because he was perfect for me, yes. But he was only a rung above Dorothy on the ladder -- in my parents' eyes -- and he unintentionally took me away from her.

"But I'm getting ahead of myself again. Dorothy decided to inform me of her new plan during some particularly kinky sex one evening, and I was too sexually frustrated to properly comprehend the possible consequences at the time..."

 

~*~

 

Dorothy grinned wickedly at the girl on the bed. Hilde was spreadeagled, wrists and ankles restrained, a collar latched around the column of her neck. The girl at the foot of the bed tossed her long blonde hair and lifted a small, silver, egg-shaped object. She inserted two batteries into the little attached control and pushed the lever up. It buzzed softly. Hilde closed her eyes and moaned. She tugged at her bonds, lifting her body off the bed, trying to get free so that she could touch her aching nipples. The lips between her legs throbbed and Dorothy smiled again.

“Be patient, lover. It won’t be long now, but anticipation is half the fun,” she said. She laughed charmingly. The little vibrator was operating correctly and she placed it on the little maple table by the bed. Then she crossed her arms, taking the edges of her lavender halter top between her fingers, and pulled it over her head. She shook out her blonde hair, breasts bouncing.

“Open your eyes,” she instructed Hilde. The brunette obeyed, light blue eyes searching until they found Dorothy. The tall blonde was nearly naked, breasts full above her concave belly, powder blue bikinis the only attire she had retained. Hilde twisted in her bonds again.

“Oh, hurry,” she said, voice rising into a wail, “I’m so /wet/. Dammit.” Again the statuesque blonde smiled. Her petite lover was always so impatient, which was why she was tied thus. Dorothy slunk onto the bed, making certain that she brushed against Hilde’s bare quivering skin only slightly. Hilde moaned and jerked her body towards the contact; Dorothy shied away expertly. 

“Lie still, or I won’t touch you,” she told the petite brunette. Hilde immediately followed orders, but it was difficult. Dorothy extended one long, white finger and grazed the outside curve of Hilde’s right breast, aroused even further by the sharp gasp that followed her movement.

“More,” Hilde begged. She wasn’t usually so spineless, she reflected, but just being in the vicinity of her lover turned her nerves to water. Dorothy let fifteen seconds elapse as she studied her lover, still trussed up on the bed. When she was satisfied that Hilde was about to start chewing her lips unless she continued, she did: her thumb followed the slope of Hilde’s hip, and her tongue darted out to tickle the shell of the brunette’s ear. When Hilde arched her back off the bed, Dorothy slipped a finger beneath her and rubbed the little indentation in the middle of her spine. Dorothy walked her fingers down Hilde’s back, then tickled the outside edge of the brunette’s lips from behind. Hilde threw her head sideways into the pillow and groaned.

“I want it in the ass,” she whimpered. Dorothy shook her head even though Hilde’s eyes were closed, and said,

“Not just yet. Perhaps not at all, this time--you’re getting spoiled.” she wriggled her finger in between Hilde’s swollen, damp lips. Continuing to play idly with her from the back, the blonde then brought her other hand down and began tracing circles around Hilde’s slit from the front. She tilted her head down, just about to insert her tongue inside of Hilde's dripping vulva, when she paused. She sat up, looking suddenly and oddly childlike despite the sexual paraphernalia she had strewn around the room.

"Hilde, I'm sorry, because I meant for this to be special. But I've got something else weighing down my thoughts. I know that you've been having troubles with your parents--" Hilde opened her eyes and her mouth simultaneously, but Dorothy held up a hand and anticipated her question, "--it doesn't matter how, but I know. I've decided that if you want this relationship with me to continue, you're going to need a more effective alibi. I don't want your parents busting in here someday with a shotgun and accusing me of corrupting their totally innocent daughter."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Not we, Hil. You. You're going to start going out with a guy for show. Your parents will be appeased, and believe me, he's not interested in anyone right now. He won't actually expect anything of you except some of your time."

"How do you know that for certain?"

"Because Duo has been in love with the same girl for the last two years."

"Who?"

"You're looking at her. He can't have me, but he doesn't know that, and if I ask him to do this for me as a favor, he probably will. He's a good guy, he just hasn't caught on yet that I don't like guys," Dorothy explained. Hilde drew in her breath.

"He's in love with you? Why didn't you tell him you don't like guys?"

"Because it's easier not to. As you discovered the hard way, not many people like homosexual relationships. Promise me you'll do it?"

"But I don't want a boyfriend. I want you."

"Don't whine. And don't get too attached. It's just for cover, sweetheart, mostly so that you don't get in any deeper shit with your parents. I'm just looking out for you."

"You didn't even let me come, Dorothy," Hilde said softly, her body still warm and aroused.

"I know. I should have, and tomorrow I will, but I need you to meet Duo as soon as possible." Dorothy slid off the bed, stood up, and stripped off her panties. She dressed quickly, then set about freeing her lover from her bonds. The collar she allowed to remain, laughing as she did.

"I want Duo to know that you belong to me, even if he does get to be your 'official' lover."

"Possessive bitch," Hilde teased.

"Yes, and you love it. Oh, and whatever you do, don't fuck him. One, you're mine. Two, he doesn't need to get any ideas about fucking the two of us together, once the light dawns and he realizes I don't do men," Dorothy instructed as she spread some powder over the tops of her breasts. Hilde climbed off the bed and retrieved her clothes, amused by the collar and leash still fastened around her neck.

"I won't, don't worry. I live for you, my master," Hilde breathed.

"Oh, please," Dorothy said with contempt. "Just because I fuck you doesn't mean anything. I like you, Hilde, and you're a good friend and a great fuck. But that's it. I don't do love anymore than I do men."

"Sorry," she whispered, trying not to let Dorothy see how much the words wounded her.

"Come on. He's waiting."

"You already told him?"

"Yeah, sort of. I said it was a possibility, and now I know for certain it has to be this way."

 

~*~

 

Relena fell back against the couch, a high colour in her cheeks, her hand fluttering ineffectually at her chest. Hilde paused, then leaned back also.

"Can I have some water? My throat is getting dry of telling this story," she asked. Relena nodded, and went into the kitchen.

"Of course you can. Gosh, you must be exhausted." She returned with a silvery glass of iced water, and Hilde took a long drink before she continued.

"So this is right before I met Duo. Try to understand, I had no idea what to expect, I was still about a centimeter away from orgasm, and my unspoken love for Dorothy had just been thoroughly rejected. My jaw dropped practically to the floor when I met Duo. All I knew of him thus far was hearsay, and most of it was that he'd been adopted by the local priest at the Church. I was expecting something totally different. And, I was /not/ expecting the feeling as though my entire world had just shifted. It was like I had fallen down a half-step and stumbled, and in regaining my balance, my perspective was irrevocably changed. You know, like when in movies they shake the camera, so that it looks like the landscape is moving? I'm not kidding, Rel, it /moved/."

"Wow," Relena said. She hadn't had this much excitement since Heero had asked her to move in with him.

"He is unbelievably beautiful for a guy. His eyes are the most astounding colour, and his hair is so long it brushes his thighs. He always wears it braided. He was so extravagantly beautiful that I thought for a moment he could not possibly be the same orphan. The priest would allow his son to be so physically attractive? I thought for sure that he would have cut Duo's hair himself, if he had to. Maybe even give him contacts to obscure the incredible tint of his eyes. But it appeared not. Suddenly Dorothy's instructions not to fuck him were sounding more and more depressing. This exquisite creature was going to pose as my boyfriend, and I couldn't even sleep with him?

"Anyway, this went on for quite some time, where Duo and I just played at being lovers. My parents bought into the charade, and even if they didn't like Duo much better than Dorothy, at least he was male. I fell further and further in love with her, and she grew more and more distant. Finally I stopped letting her see how I felt, and she began to react warmly towards me again. This is just over a year ago, and when I heartbreakingly fell for Duo. Dorothy had shown signs of harboring true affection for me, despite all of her protests, but Duo had literally rocked my world. One night, when we had both been drinking, I wound up lying in his bed, braless and relaxed, and Duo was giving me a massage. One thing led to another, as these things are wont to do, and then we were kissing, and then we were fucking. It was like having sex with a galaxy, the heat and brilliance of the stars only offset by the sensation of the darkness that lurked..."

 

~*~

 

"Are you sure that this was okay?" Duo asked carefully. "I know about your instructions from Dorothy."

"If I had a problem with it I would have stopped you. Besides, I'm supposed to ignore how I feel?"

"How does it feel?" Duo said, looking over at the nude girl sprawled across his bed. His fingers idly rubbed circles over her bare, cool flesh. Hilde shivered, the sweat was still sticky, the room wasn't air conditioned, but his nails were stimulating her skin anyway. She rolled onto her side, breasts falling sideways, unconfined by any clothes, and gazed deep into his eyes. She had never seen eyes that colour: like the night sky after a bad thunderstorm, when the clouds and impending sunrise had affected it so that it looked bruised and injured. She often got confused looking into his eyes, trying to find the stars, or the moon, or something else. It was frightening sometimes, because she generally found the something else. It was a cool shiver that caressed her entire body, as if he could fuck her with only those unusually shaded eyes. Like someone's tongue stroking her from the inside out, it was a little creepy, and quite a bit more exciting. She felt like she'd met him before. It was as if she'd always known who he was, even though technically, /no one/ knew who he really was. And even though he disconcerted her, she felt safe. It wasn't as if he felt dangerous...just, surreal. Like she might open her eyes in the morning and he would have been a memory -- or not even a memory, but an elusive butterfly that had tickled her conscious in the midst of the interminable night hours. Sometimes when she reached out to touch him she thought that she was touching air, or a mirage. No one could have eyes that colour. No one could have their parents and past simply disappear. No one could be that fey and be real -- could they? Rather than think about it and depress herself any further, she attempted to answer Duo's question.

"I feel like you're holding part of me within you. Not like your soul -- I don't really believe in souls or soulmates -- but as if you've got my emotions locked inside of your emotions, and I can't get free. You can manipulate me any way you want, if you choose to," Hilde paused, unsure where to take her explanation, uncertain of whether she was making any coherent sense.

"I understand," he whispered softly. "But I wouldn't hurt you, Hilde. I love you." His words penetrated the massing confusion in her brain and she sat up. He tweaked one of her nipples, and smiled at her.

"You do?" she asked, only marginally aware of the sexual touch.

"I've never known anyone like you. Dorothy is an interesting girl, an enigma, and she knows things I need to know. But regardless of the fact that she says I am in love with her, it is not true, except in a very peripheral sense. I am in love with everyone. I am a spiritual lover at times." Duo stopped. Hilde was peering at him very curiously indeed.

"A spiritual lover? What does that mean?"

"It means that I pay very close attention to how people feel, and if I want to, I can sometimes project feelings onto them. For instance, I could make you experience hate right about now, or love. I try not to give people negative emotions. Actually, I usually try only to reinforce the positive emotions they have. Like a really good, attentive lover would do. Do you understand?"

"I'm not sure. You mean like extrasensory perception?"  
"Something like that, yes. But it's not as supernatural as it sounds, I promise you. It's mostly just persuasion and the strong power of words. The right words can do anything," he explained, then hesitated again. Hilde sensed that he had rarely, if ever, told anyone all of this about himself before. He appeared somewhat muddled, as though he knew it all was true and had accepted it long ago, but that some part of him was still in awe of it. He might not quite understand himself completely, or what had caused him to be so very talented with persuasion. She knew he was, too, because he managed to have that effect on her without even trying. Outside the small window, it was beginning to grow lighter, and Duo's hair gleamed in the wandering dawn. It had been tangled and twisted during their lovemaking, and she reached for it, to assist him in rebraiding it. He caught her hand though, and kissed it.

"No one touches my hair, love. Not even you. It's just a feeling I have -- that no one should wash it or care for it but me. At least, not yet." Duo let go of her hand, blew a kiss towards her, and followed her example when he sat up. Hilde leaned back against the headboard. It was just one more extremely curious thing, not necessarily supernatural, as he had pointed out, but nonetheless very unusual. Even his hair held some sort of mundane magic. She wished she knew what it was. She wished that she knew if she was as in love with him as he was with her. She didn't know if she loved him -- she'd assumed she was in love with Dorothy, but as the current circumstances indicated, that had ended rather disastrously -- and though the sex was spectacular, albeit a bit disturbing, she was distressed. Duo still felt dark to her somehow, as if he were off-limits to her. She might fuck him, and she might hold him in her arms, but she should not love him. Ever.

 

When he had gotten out of the shower, she was still lying spread across his mattress, her feet in the air. She held a novel in one hand and a piece of dark chocolate in the other, and her lips were smeared with the melting chocolate. He came over, still towelling his hair, and licked the candy from her lips. Hilde opened her mouth and he kissed her, and the novel hit the carpeted floor. She rolled onto her back, and Duo climbed onto the bed and straddled her, then paused. He looked up and cocked his head.

"Something about the atmosphere doesn't feel right." He listened for a second, then he glanced back down at her. "Shit," he murmured softly. "I think I heard something outside the apartment." 

"Duo -- why do you love me? I mean, how do you even know?"

"It's just a feeling I get, sweetheart. I study you with my eyes and I feel as if I'm gazing upon the most precious thing on earth. I love you, just trust me, okay?"

"What if I don't love you in return? What if I don't even know what love is?" Agitated, she sat up straight again, still naked, yet his eyes never wavered from her face.

"You don't have to. When the time comes, you'll know," he answered simply.

"I thought I was in love with Dorothy," Hilde began, her eyes focused on some distant plane. "But then she was so strange sometimes. She was a really good friend, and then she became my lover, and with that she changed somehow. I mean, like fundamentally changed. All of a sudden I was not her friend anymore, but her lesbian lover. That was all. And now I don't know if I really did love her, or if I was just in love with the idea of having a girlfriend. Of being different, unique, for once in my life."

"Hilde, you have always been unique. Don't ever let other people take that from you by making you feel ordinary. You only feel what you choose to feel -- don't misunderstand, people can influence it. But you, and only you, have the final say in how you react and how you feel."

"But I thought you said--"

"This is why what I said is not supernatural. I can influence, yes. Sometimes much more powerfully than most people can. But I cannot actually exercise control. You still have that control."

"Oh." Hilde was quiet for several moments. "But I should know if I'm in love with you, right? I should feel /something/, right?"

"If it's meant to happen it will come. Don't try and force it, that will only make you unhappy in the future."

 

~*~

 

"Those words were so simple, yet so profound. I don't think he really understood the effect that he had on me. Yet despite the whole intellectual conversation, some core facts had not changed. There were still major things about him that made no sense, huge mysteries in his life, certain gaps of his childhood that he was missing -- or if he remembered them, he didn't inform anyone else. He was one gigantic puzzle that I was determined to solve.

"No one knew anything about Duo's past except that his parents were dead. Afterwards, it was painfully clear at least one of the reasons that I shouldn't have slept with him. My heart was swollen and locked within his, and he knew it. I think that's what he wanted all along. Now, don't misunderstand, Duo was about as kind as he was lovely, and he never hurt me. I had the painful responsibility of letting Dorothy know that her plan had failed in one fundamental way, and that while I valued her friendship very much, I could no longer be her lover. This is another place where things get weird. For one thing, she didn't act surprised at all, even though she seemed in genuine pain. For another, I had learned once again that just when you least expect it, you fall in love again. And you always, always fall in love with the least person you'd suspect.

"Duo and I began to date in earnest, and I forgot one crucial fact of life: I was sleeping with a guy now, and that meant I should be using protection or taking birth control. I did neither, I got pregnant, I got kicked out, and I had the strangest dream last night about your involvement in that new bill. It seemed that if I asked for help, you would be available to me."

"Hilde, this is a very remarkable story. I'm even inclined to believe it, because I feel like I've known you for years -- but I've never even seen you before. How can this be?"

"I don't know," Hilde replied truthfully. "It's one of those things that never quite added up about Duo, either."

"And you rushed the end of your story. Why?"

"Because the beginning, the middle is so long. The end is unimportant, because it's not really the end. My life is not yet over, and I know that things could still change dramatically once again."

"You said that you didn't know if you loved him," Relena prodded gently.

"Yes, I did. And no, I don't know. I'm still not certain. What I know is that love is virtually uncomprehendable by us. You know, normal people. It happens, it's painful, sometimes it's amazing, but it's never something you can explain. But I think, somewhere in my heart, that I must love Duo. I'm carrying his child, after all."

"Do you worry about the safety of the baby, now that your parents kicked you out? I mean, do you think they'll ever show any kind of interest in it?"

"Honestly, I doubt it," Hilde answered. She placed a hand over her stomach, which was not noticeably any different.

"Where's Duo, anyway? Why can't he take you in?"

"Because his father's the pastor. It would look very unsavory. And Duo, at the moment, is in juvenile lockup for hacking into an important government system." Hilde sighed, but Relena giggled a bit, and clapped her hands like a teenager.

"It's perfect! Oh, Hilde, I'll get Heero to let you stay, if only because Heero will be intrigued and highly entertained by Duo's little mishap. Heero works in computers, and I think he'd love to get a chance to see what Duo can do. How long will he be in lockup?"

"Until someone bails him out. His father won't do it, he's angry as hell with him. Us, really. He called me a trollop at the top of his lungs, and gave a lecture about prostitution and the temptation of Woman at the next Sunday's mass. He knows I'm pregnant, and he also knows that Duo is the father. Plus he keeps telling Duo not to mess around with things like computer hacking, but Duo, rather understandably, doesn't listen."

"Well, when Heero gets home I'll just have to convince him to post Duo's bail, and then you can sleep in the guest room till then. Whatever Heero says, he's not a cold, uncaring bastard the way he first appears. I'll win him over, don't worry." Relena stood up, grasping Hilde's hands in hers and helping the girl off the couch. "You must be starved and exhausted. Let me get you something to eat, and then you ought to rest."

"Thank you so much," Hilde replied, forcing a smile. "You're right, I feel like I'm about to fall down. I guess it's been much longer that I ate than I realized." She followed her host into the kitchen, feeling protected for the first time since Duo'd gone into juvenile custody and her parents had discovered her pregnancy. Once in the kitchen, Relena began to pull things out of the cabinets, searching for something that might be suitable for a pregnant teenage girl. As she worked, she spoke.

"I think Heero will like you, once he gets to know you. But he really needs to meet Duo, I think. He's kind of crotchety about girls, I'm not sure why, but I know he tends to react more favorably to guys that are into computers, like he is. He's at work right now. I guess I probably mentioned that already. Sorry, I'm distracted -- here! How about noodles? I could make you some macaroni and cheese," Relena offered.

"That would be fantastic," Hilde said. After she'd eaten, she took Relena's very sensible suggestion and went to lie down. As she tried to fall asleep, she realized that she had forgotten to mention the fact that she was already almost four months pregnant and she hadn't even been to a doctor. Oh, well, she thought, she could tell Relena when she woke up again. With that thought, she drifted into a well-earned sleep.

 

\--+--

 

"Really, Heero, I know it was unexpected and very early, but you /were/ nonetheless rather rude. She's asleep in the guest room."

"You let her stay?"

"Of /course/ I let her stay! She's pregnant! Listen, when you get home today, we need to post the bail for her boyfriend who is in juvenile custody."

"I don't have unlimited money, you know," Heero said frostily. Relena glared at the phone receiver.

"Dammit, Heero, you know as well as I do that my parents have money, and you know all about my inheritance. /I'll/ pay for it, but I still want you to come with me."

"And why is that?"

"Because he's in trouble for computer hacking, and I thought you might like to meet the guy. Heh...maybe you could get him a job."

"Relena, stop meddling. You know I care about you, but this is ridiculous. I don't have /that/ much prestige here." Heero crossed his fingers and hoped she wouldn't make the obvious connection.

"Yes, you do, and you know perfectly well that one, you have it, and two, that I know you have it. They love you. They are absolutely infatuated with your work. Don't you remember? That virus that you created and deployed was the essential test on their latest security system. They have been patting you on the back ever since!"

"I know," Heero muttered. He knew Relena was sharp, and sometimes it depressed him that she could see through him so easily at times.

"Look, just hurry home, and I'll give you something nice for the favor. Anyhow, I gotta go. I think I can hear Hilde stirring."

"That's her name? Hilde?"

"Yeah, and I don't think she's been to a doctor about this baby yet. I'll have to remember to ask her," Relena mused to herself.

"Weird. Seems familiar somehow. All right, I'm going back to work. Bye," Heero told his girlfriend, then hung up. She stared at the receiver, shrugged, and put the phone on the cradle. Heero always was a little strange. With that observation sticking in her head, she went to check on Hilde and see if the young girl needed anything.

 

\--+--

 

Hilde shifted from foot to foot, hoping desperately that Duo would not be angry with her for soliciting help. He'd told her once that success came about by relying on yourself and learning to take care of yourself, but that didn't exactly provide her shelter. She was standing in the outside lobby area of the juvenile lockup, waiting for them to acknowledge her. The walls were slate grey, the windows were dark green with silvery metal bars, and all of the chairs were mustard yellow. Hilde didn't think she'd ever been in anyplace as ugly, or that clashed as much. The front lobby desk was a garish red -- Hilde had no idea why -- and the carpeting was also green, but more of a lime-green that did not match the window paint at all. The entire place was making her nauseous, which was frustrating, because lately she was /always/ nauseous. Heero and Relena had gone into the only bathroom, and presumably they were arguing again. Despite all of Relena's reassurances, Heero was still digging his heels in and being uncooperative, and they had been fighting since he'd gotten home from work, during the entire drive to the juvenile center, while they were standing in the lobby, and they had only gone into the bathroom because the faded-looking receptionist had glared meaningfully at them. As if summoned by her thoughts, both the exhausted receptionist looked up, and Heero and Relena exited the bathroom. Relena crossed the room quickly to Hilde.

"Have they asked you anything yet? Or brought Duo out, or even paid the slightest bit of attention to you?"

"Is it obvious that I'm pregnant, Rel? Because I swear I feel like i'm being singled out and ignored because I'm clearly single."

"I don't think so... That reminds me. Have you had any kind of prenatal care yet?" Relena asked. Heero looked supremely bored, and he refused to make eye contact with Hilde. She wasn't sure she'd ever met a more stony and silent man before. For the hundredth time she wondered what Relena saw in him. Shaking herself mentally, she forced herself to concentrate on Relena.

"No, I haven't. I don't have any money and I was trying to keep this a secret. From my parents, I mean. Unfortunately, they found out anyway."

"We'll have to take you, then," Relena said sympathetically. Heero rolled his exquisite eyes but didn't say anything. At that point the lady behind the lobby counter finally motioned them over. Her hair was a dusky brown, and she might have been pretty, if she didn't appear so overworked and tired. She rustled some loose pieces of paper, shoved a pencil in her hair, bit her lip and groaned. There was a crinkled sign in front about bail being posted in cash, because the computer system was broken. For the first time, Hilde saw Heero become animated. Gesturing towards the sign, he addressed the woman.

"Could I help? I work as a computer programmer, perhaps I could fix your system?"

"Yeah, and?" she said in a bored, irritated tone.

"Well, for one thing, it will make your job today slightly easier. For another, I'm not going to charge you. May I at least take a look?"

"Indulge yourself," she said, then focused her attention on Relena, who was dressed like a beautiful young diplomat. Her long wine-coloured skirt was professionally cut, her cream blouse expertly tailored and tucked in, and her pearl earrings even shone in the dim fluorescent light. The girl recognised importance and quality and decided to speak to Relena, even though she -- like Heero -- continued to avoid looking at Hilde.

"May I help you with something?"

"Yes, we've come to post bail for this young woman's husband. His name is--" Relena turned meaningfully to Hilde.

"Duo Maxwell," she offered. The woman's eyes widened as she took in Hilde's petite and unusual beauty, something she would not have been likely to notice unless she had bothered to look directly at her.

"Let me look for his file," she told them, and began to shuffle official looking documents. Just then, as Heero was examining the computer, he clutched his head with both hands and groaned.

 

//There was something -- like burgundy flavored -- a colour -- he couldn't quite make it out -- it might have been some shade of violet. Then there was a flash, and a different, pale cream colour, long lines of what could have been anything from paint to hair. And then, like a lightswitch being flipped, the cream colour shot open, and it was violet, or more accurately, some incarnation of that colour -- maybe a night storm -- he wasn't sure. As if he were watching a movie, the angle changed, rocked, and crept backwards. The last thing he saw was the long hair of a young society lady, perhaps from England--//

 

Relena had rushed over to her boyfriend's side, searching his temple for some sign on injury, when he opened his startling blue eyes. He dropped his hands, and his dark hair fell forward over his forehead again, and he stumbled.

"I think I--"

"You should sit," Relena ordered, and turned authoritatively towards the receptionist, who quickly gave up her seat. "What happened, love?"

"I don't know. All of a sudden there was this excruciating pain, and I couldn't catch my breath. And my head was filled with images, most of which I can't recall, now that I think about it."

"How odd. Hm, Heero, maybe you've been working too hard. I'll tell you what, we'll finish up here, and then take you home. That all right with you, Hil?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. Just as long as we get Duo out of here." Hilde used the edge of her shoe to scratch an itch on the opposite leg. Heero stood up, and smile tenderly at Relena.

"It's okay, darling, I think I'm all right now." Heero moved a little unsteadily, but returned to his ministrations of the broken computer system, as the receptionist took her seat again and triumphantly pulled out a sheaf of papers.

"Here they are! Duo Maxwell," she read off the top sheet. Relena reached into her purse and counted off several thousand dollars.

"Do me a favor, keep the change, but don't let anyone know that she--" Relena pointed to Hilde, "was here, okay? People seem somehow intimidated by her."

"No problem," the lady replied, folding the bills and shoving them into a locked drawer. She pushed a faded blue button. "Send out Duo Maxwell, please, and make sure to gather his things first. His bail has been paid."

"Yes, ma'am," came the staticky reply. The intercom crackled further, then abruptly cut off. The woman smiled coolly at them.

"Please have a seat, all of you. Well, except you, young man. Do you think you can fix it?"

"Mm-hm," Heero mumbled, then laughed. Hilde started, a hand falling naturally over her stomach. She leaned towards Relena's ear, and whispered incredulously,

"He /laughs/?"

"Some of the time," Relena said, somewhat amused. "What is it, my love?"

"The computer's been tampered with. Don't worry," he assured the hapless girl at the desk, "I can fix it, no problem." She nodded. He returned to his task, and Relena and Hilde sat in the extremely ugly chairs, their ugliness matched only by how uncomfortable they were. Hilde glanced down at her belly, and whistled.

"It's so bizarre, you know, really. Being pregnant. It's like, I've got this whole other person to look after, and protect, and I don't even know what it looks like. It's a really unusual concept, and hard to get used to."

"I can imagine," Relena agreed, studying the minuscule cracks in the chair, the way that the afternoon sun shaved inches off the appearance of the bars on the window, the tiny fly that was buzzing helplessly against the filthy glass.

"Well, you can /imagine/, yes, but it's so incredibly odd. You don't know quite what it feels like, I suspect, until it's happened to you."

"That is indubitably true," Relena remarked, and turned back to Hilde. "Does Duo know that you're pregnant? You never said. Actually, you never said when he was locked up in here."

"He doesn't know. He's been here since I found out, and his dad knows, but I don't think his dad told him. It would be his small way of spiting us, even though Duo has never been anything but a model teenager, at least until now."

"I wonder what he was looking for, when he broke into the government's computers..." Relena mused aloud.

"I have no idea, but it is a concern of mine. He ought to have told me. I wish I knew, though -- because it really is unlike him to do anything dishonest."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Heero is exceptionally good at creating viruses, but he would never use them against people, the way some computer geniuses will."

"There!" Heero announced, tapped a few keys, clicked the mouse button several times, and grinned. "The system is back up and running. Here, have a go at it."

"That's it? That didn't take that long," the girl said skeptically, but when she tried it, it functioned. "That's amazing," she marveled. At last, after the interminable wait, the door to the cells opened and a young man entered the room, followed by another young man, who Relena would have mistaken for a girl if not for the aggressively male swagger he had. He was exactly like Hilde had described, very slender and delicate looking, but masculinity seemed to exude from his pores despite his feminine-shaped face and wicked long hair. As he stepped over the threshold, his eyes widened, and he gasped.

"I thought you were an illusion," he said, his comment directed at Heero. Heero gave him a quizzical look, the confusion obvious.

"I've never seen you before in my life," Heero said gruffly.

"No, of course not. But I keep having this really crazy dreams, and your eyes are /always/ part of them. But I just assumed that I was delusional."

"I don't know, lots of people have blue eyes," Heero stated, and that was that. He faced Relena and dismissed the other young man with his posture. Duo's voice was smoothly-modulated and pleasant, and not in the least dismayed by Heero's treatment, ran to his girlfriend.

"Hil, I've been worried about you. I'm sorry I deserted you like that."

"Oh, baby, you didn't intend to. I knew that." She pulled him down for a passionate kiss, the kind reserved for lovers' meetings after long separations. Duo half-opened his eyes as he kissed her, and studied the face of his beloved, a face he'd been longing to see for four months. The sudden appearance of the young man from his dreams -- well, the young man's eyes, anyway -- had been startling and disconcerting, but Duo would get used to it. The bizarre sensations that sometimes assaulted him had always been sudden, rapid, and fleeting. But those eyes...

 

\--+--

 

Later that night, when everyone else was asleep, Duo lay on the couch, hands folded beneath his head, sleep refusing to engulf him. He had learned that the guy's name was Heero, and he worked for a computer company. Duo wondered idly if Heero could help him out with something he'd been working on for awhile. Sighing softly to himself, he discarded that train of thought, and at last drifted into an uneasy sleep.

 

//Those same startling blue eyes were back, this time mirroring extreme confusion, muddied by the warmer watered essence of love. The eyes were the same shade as the sky above a house that he recognised, although he couldn't say why. It was a tall structure, built on a hill, and the smoky blue sky was nearly always the same colour, even at night. Only in summertime did it change, just like her eyes changed -- they misted like the clouds that flooded the summertime sky. She was beautiful, he remembered -- or it felt like memory -- but it seemed so alien to him. He did not know who she was, yet when he saw her eyes in his dreams he felt as though he loved her. Yes, that was the disconcerting ripple -- those were the eyes of someone he had loved.//

 

Duo jerked abruptly awake, again haunted by the unexplainable dreams. He could also recollect them with sparkling clarity, unlike any other type of dream, but he could never fathom their meaning or importance. It was like déjà vu, the sensation that the places and people he dreamed of were places he'd lived and people he'd loved. He knew he loved Hilde, but oddly enough, he never dreamed about her eyes. In fact, he couldn't recall the hue of hers, even though he'd just seen them a few hours earlier. But the shades of shifting blue that caressed his dreams followed his thoughts throughout the day, and he had to do something about it. He had to figure out who the girl was, one that he knew instinctively was Asian, yet had the most unexpected eyes for an Asian girl. He climbed off the couch and padded down the hall to the bathroom, planning to empty his bladder as he continued to contemplate. How could Heero possibly have her eyes? What were the chances of such an amazing coincidence? Duo didn't know, but he intended to find out, and he was going to ask Heero to help him. As soon as he'd walked into the same room with Heero earlier, he'd felt the entire room shimmer, and he knew that it was Heero's mere presence. He had to spend more time with the guy and figure out why he affected Duo in such an unexpected and unique way. Duo washed his hands, wandered back to the couch he was sleeping on for the night, but was somewhat afraid to go back to sleep. The dreams had been getting more and more insistent of late, and it was disturbing his sleep. They weren't bad dreams, per se, but they unsettled him, and they made his sleep more restless than usual. Finally, he fell back to sleep, only this time he dreamed about Heero. They were dreams he wouldn't remember come morning.

 

\--+--

 

When Heero woke up the following morning, he began to get ready for work, but he was surprised to discover that Duo was sitting up awake, knees pulled up under his chin, arms wrapped around them, staring morosely out the window. Dawn was just beginning to splinter the night sky and Heero couldn't imagine what could be keeping the other young man awake. Despite his initial misgivings, he had to admit that Duo was nice enough, moderately talented with computers, and disturbingly familiar. Maybe it was the first reason -- maybe the last -- that motivated him to walk into the living room and tap Duo's shoulder. As soon as he did so, pain sheared through his brain, and he grabbed for his skull, toppled to his knees, and tried not to scream or throw up...

 

//He had long hair, he noticed first, and his carefully tailored breeches fit his legs snugly...there was a sensation of overcast weather, and cool dampness, and there was a tall structure overlooking a stormy sea. He had no idea where he was, but it was so painfully familiar he thought he could touch the crumbling stones of the castle, feel the spray of the ocean against the outcropping of rocks. The scenery changed suddenly--//

 

Duo was almost afraid to touch him -- hadn't it been his touch that had sent him into these convulsions of pain? -- but he didn't want to be heartless, either, so he bent down and began to massage the back of Heero's neck. The pain began to ease, and Heero opened his eyes. Duo felt like those eyes could have been lasers, with their sharp clarity. The purity of their colour was amazing, he noted again.

"Are you all right?" he asked, fingers slipping away from the other man's neck.

"I think so," Heero nodded. "It's strange. I've had these sudden headaches all my life, but they get worse around you." He met Duo's concerned gaze. "I don't know what it is. It's almost like visions, but then I forget them as soon as the pain recedes."

"I understand."

"Do you?" Heero's gaze was penetrating, astute. Somehow Duo knew that he could not necessarily deceive Heero. Shifting subjects rapidly, Heero said, "I've been thinking. I've been dating Relena for awhile now, and a baby might be a nice addition, but I don't want to impregnate her until we're married. When do you think I should ask her? I haven't bought the ring yet, but..."

"No!" Duo's reaction was so quick and adamant that Heero startled. Duo, too, was stunned, and regretful. He covered his mouth with his hand, and twisted back towards the window. Both men were still sitting on the floor, but now it was Heero was worried. Why would Duo act so strangely about a marriage proposal?

"Why not?" he asked curiously. Duo shrugged, kept his eyes on the unbarred window. His slim frame was huddled in on itself again, and he seemed afraid.

"I don't know why not. I just got this feeling -- that it would be an awful mistake. I like Relena -- not that way," he quickly interrupted himself before Heero could get possessive, "but I do care for her in a more removed fashion, and I want you both to be happy. But when you said that, I felt like it would make both of you miserable someday. It was such an unexpected, strong emotion that I spoke without thinking. I'm sorry."

"Oh..." Heero turned away and leaned against the couch. "You don't think it would make her happy?"

"I think working for the courthouse makes her happy. I think living with you makes her happy, and I think her friendship with Hilde makes her happy," Duo rambled, but Heero had spaced out again. This time there was no pain, but Hilde's name had struck an invisible nerve yet again, and Heero was lost in a memory that could not possibly be accurate...

 

//The boy was young, very petite, with strangely perceptive eyes. He was standing in the midst of a courtyard, holding the reins of a horse, and Heero got the strange impression that the disguise of a servant was just that, a disguise. The boy was not someone he'd date, not someone...suddenly it came to him in a flash, as the horse pawed at the dusty ground. The boy was his brother! But how could that be? He didn't have any siblings...//

 

"Duo -- where did you meet Hilde? And how?"

"A longhaired blonde in high school named Dorothy. Why?"

"I remember the scene this time. A small, underdeveloped boy with very closely cut hair and very wise eyes. You said Hilde's name and it was like I was someplace else -- not just someplace, actually, but some /time/ else. He was holding the reins of a horse -- I don't know why --"

"I've seen that!" Duo jumped up and returned to his seat next to Heero. "When I met her, I saw that. He was somebody's brother--"

"Mine," Heero interrupted. Silence fell. Both guys looked at each other, then away. What were the chances? They both had similar visions, they both felt weird around each other. But what /was/ it? Even Duo, with his odd perceptions and sensations, didn't have an answer, although he suspected that Dorothy would have a theory. She generally did. The sun began to rise, and Heero realized he was supposed to be getting ready.

"Hey, I gotta go into work, so I have to shower now, and I think you really ought to go back to sleep."

"Heero -- do you think I could come and look around your work today? It might be interesting to go into computer science professionally."

"I suppose. Let me just let Relena know what we're doing, and you should probably talk to Hilde." Heero left the room, striding purposefully towards the bathroom and tried to banish all thoughts of strange visions from his mind. Perhaps the shower would clear his head. For that matter, maybe it would also do something about the embarrassing hard-on he had, although he couldn't pinpoint any discernable reason that he would be aroused. He sighed. He'd opened the door to Hilde yesterday morning, and his life had become increasingly more complicated. As he turned the shower knobs, he could hear Relena stirring in the bed that they shared. Even though she didn't have to get up for another couple hours, she tended to wake up when Heero got out of bed in the morning. She came trotting into the bathroom moments later, and sat down on the closed toilet seat.

"Hey, Heero, did you notice anything odd about Duo?"

"Other than his eye colour and my propensity for painful headaches whenever he's around? No, of course not."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm gonna take Hilde down to my gynecologist today, see what she thinks about getting some prenatal care for her. Did you know she's already almost four months pregnant? She didn't tell me that till very late last night, when she was a bit too exhausted to be evasive."

"I see," Heero said, and began to shampoo his hair. Relena got off the toilet lid and began to brush her teeth, not turning on the tap until Heero had shut the shower water off.

"I wonder what the baby's going to be."

"A dragon, perhaps," Heero suggested, and climbed over the porcelain. Relena almost dropped her toothbrush.

"Did you just make a joke? Heero?"

"What do you think?"

"My God, I think Duo and Hilde might be good for you."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, dear," Heero cautioned, and Relena grinned, toothpaste coating her lips. Heero snuck a kiss, then darted out of the bathroom. She rinsed her teeth, spat into the sink, and followed her boyfriend into the kitchen for breakfast. He was already preparing some toast and getting the pancake mix out of the cupboard.

"Pancakes?"

"Yep. I want to make something special for their first breakfast here."

"See, Heero, I knew you'd come around. This is why I love you."

"You're lucky I woke up in time, considering our night-time activities."

"Heero, my darling, you're being much more talkative than usual. I don't mind, but I'm curious. What happened?"

"Not much, I just feel like talking. I can, you know." Heero began to heat up the griddle.

"I know that. Did you know you're running very late?"

"Yes. But I go in so early because I choose to. They don't actually expect me until seven-thirty." Heero washed his hands and turned back to his long-time girlfriend.

"Heero, you're looking at me awfully strangely," Relena observed.

"Have you ever felt anything for another girl?" he asked.

"I don't know, I hadn't thought about it. But I have to go in to the courthouse this afternoon, after I take Hilde to the doctor. You'll be okay spending an entire day with Duo? How's your head? Does it still hurt?" She began to probe his head with her fingers, until he shook her off. "Are you sure you should go into work today then?"

"Please try not to worry too much about me," Heero said quietly. She nodded.

"All right. Well, if you need anything, you have the number at the courthouse."

"Pancakes?" he asked her, and she smiled a little.

"Things may have changed, Heero, with the addition of a new member to the household. But I like Hilde. And yes, a pancake would be very nice, thank you." She took the plate he handed her and sat down at the dining table. He called Duo and Hilde in from the other room, but only Duo came and sat down at the table.

 

\--+--

 

That night, when Heero dreamt, he saw various images and pictures of a child with strange-coloured eyes. In reality, all three of them had strange-coloured eyes, except the little girl with the pale blue ones. She had light-brown shaded hair, and she wore a little blue dress with a bow tied in the back. He vaguely recognised her, but it was as she would be now, and yet he knew that somehow it wasn't the same girl. The other children called her Amy, but Heero remembered -- when he'd first met Relena, it had been as young children. The Amy of his dreams could have been a mirror image of the child-version of Relena. He moved uneasily in his sleep, restlessly thrashing about. Relena wasn't in bed, he realized sharply, and he threw open his eyes and leapt out of the bed.

 

He was standing in the middle of a field, a golden coloured meadow, and it smelled exactly like rain. Suddenly his head was a ball of pain, like a pincushion full of needles. He gasped.

 

//There had been the scent of rainwater for as long as he could recall. Even as an infant, when the smell of rain washed over his nostrils, he felt as though he was somewhere -- some/one/ else. Rainwater was the colour of drenched violets, he thought. No, it was long brunette hair, braided and tied with a scarlet ribbon. This time the eerily familiar girl was dressed in khaki pants and a halter top, and he recognised the attire as the early nineties. She smiled, and raised her lids, and there were those eyes again, piercing him to his very soul--//

 

What it all meant, though, he had no idea. It was the very first time the visions had intruded upon his dreams, and he wondered if he had been awake if his head will have actually hurt, or if that was fantasy-pain. He was back in the meadow, which felt surreal, as if it had not and never would exist.

 

When Heero finally opened his eyes, he was covered in sweat and breathing very heavily. But he remembered the name Amy, and he questioned why at last some of the memory would linger.

 

==+==

 

Sometimes love is a mystery, one that can only be solved by the lover. It ignores all sorts of human-imposed boundaries. Their love -- the type of love that really does exist forever -- was also the type of love that can and will follow destiny. Had they known their destinies, they might have been frightened. Had they realized the eventual outcome, they might have understood. But neither realized that the babies their girlfriends carried were their future.

 

Literally.

 

==+==

 

Relena came running full tilt into the room, crashed against Heero's chest, and shrieked in joy.

"I'm pregnant! Isn't it fantastic? Oh, love, I can't believe it. I'm so excited!" She punctuated her news with a couple of rather entrancing bounces.

"That's wonderful," Heero told her, combing his fingers through her honey-blonde hair. "I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl? If it's a girl, I wonder if we should call her Amy?" Heero said experimentally. Relena jerked, and looked up at him.

"Heero, that rings a bell. But I don't know anyone named Amy..." But as soon as she spoke, she trailed off, as if she could almost remember something. Ever since Hilde had moved in, she thought, the very air had felt charged. But who could she have known called Amy? Other than their not-yet-born possible daughter?

"I'm really happy about this baby," Heero commented, as he continued to play with her hair. But there was something in his mind's eye...

 

When Hilde and Duo learned about Relena's pregnancy, they were both extremely excited. Hilde insisted that they hold a double baby shower, and Relena agreed. What would have shocked both of them was that their respective boyfriends, who had been rather cool when they'd met, had united in trying to solve the mystery of who that child was that Hilde's name conjured. As the girls celebrated, receiving all kinds of cute and necessary baby items, Heero and Duo were hacking into government databases yet again. This time, however, Heero had shown Duo how to cover his tracks, and they were searching for some sort of clues about the strange dreams, visions, and debilitating pain that still struck Heero from time to time. Actually, Duo had noticed it first, that Heero seemed to get hurt more around Duo.

"You know, Heero, ever make the connection that those headaches you suffer from seem to originate from having some sort of contact with me, especially physical?"

"I had wondered," Heero replied absentmindedly. "What other very interesting thing I had noticed is that when Hilde is around, the pain becomes much, much worse."

"I wonder why?" Duo said.

"Maybe it's that baby," Heero said without thinking.

"You think my baby is capable of hurting you, and it's not even born yet?"

"How much longer?"

"About four months."

"I had the strangest dream that I was standing in a golden-coloured meadow," Heero said, as he searched pages and pages of names.

"I'm still not sure I understand how we can find what we're looking for without even a name."

"I'm waiting for a name that makes my head hurt."

"Oh, /that/ makes sense."

"Actually, you'll see. If everything else that seems somehow predestined gives me a headache, why won't this?"

"You're more likely to get a headache from reading that many names in that size print," Duo cracked, but Heero ignored him. He continued to scroll through the many columns, and soon he was in the records for the nineties, when he saw it: Amy Lockhart. A sharp spear of pain went through his brain, so he marked her name down and then clicked the link, which brought him to the page with her personal information. What he read nearly made him wet his pants. The day she had died coincided exactly with the birth of his girlfriend, just about seventy-two years too early. But what if... It was crazy. It had to be. Heero turned to Duo.

"Hey, do you believe in supernatural things?" Heero asked. Duo looked up from the newspapers he was scanning.

"Sure, sometimes. Why?"

"This girl, Amy Lockhart, died on the same day Relena was born. In this dream I had, she looked just like my girl as a kid. But she died way too long ago for it to mean what I thought for a second it meant."

"Yeah... Still, an eerie coincidence though."

"It is. But I can't help but be curious if it isn't so accidental."

"Heero -- a piece of advice. Don't look towards the supernatural until you've completely eliminated the mundane," Duo said. Heero gave him a glare, then looked back at the computer screen.

"It says she died of natural causes, and that she had three surviving children. Hey -- weird. She was a diplomat."

"Like Rel."

"Yeah, just like that. Strange." Heero met Duo's eyes. For once, there was no pain, just a feeling of recognition. Lately, everything Heero touched felt familiar. The sensation was becoming overwhelming and even more confusing. When Hilde was around, too, he felt particularly out of place. Almost as though he were walking through warm water. But Duo's eyes were intricately beautiful, he noticed, but not for the first time. They reminded him of something but he wasn't sure what. But they were webbed, as though amethyst threads had been woven through the irises, and Heero began to wonder yet again what it was about Duo that attracted him so much. It was utterly magnetic, and if it was anything more, Heero couldn't quite tell. No, that wasn't quite true. Heero felt as though he was drowning within the eyes of an old lover.

 

That was it. He constantly felt like he loved Duo, even though before that day in the juvenile delinquent center, he'd never seen him before in his life. Not for the first time Heero considered Duo's long missing parents, and he was really interested to find out what had happened to them. On a whim, he decided to ask about them, even though Duo never brought them up and no one -- not even Hilde -- touched the subject when Duo was anywhere nearby. So, even though he was probably probing into a very uncomfortable topic of conversation, Heero was never one to mince words. He was curious, therefore he asked. Duo was still flipping newspaper pages, occasionally circling something with a pencil, but he must not have come across anything of import yet, because he was quiet and intent on his task. He was chewing on his lower lip, forehead creased in concentration, eyes narrowed. Therefore, he was almost totally taken off guard when Heero, through observing him, finally decided to ask his fateful question.

"Duo, what do you remember about your parents?" Heero inquired in a neutral tone of voice. Duo's head shot up so fast that his hair bounced against the tiled floor where he was seated.

"What the hell? /No one/ asks me that question. My dad is my dad and that's it."

"Well, I ask questions when I need answers. Deal with it. Do you remember them at all?"

"No, I don't. For your information, they were both murdered. That I know. I was a baby at the time -- maybe six, seven months old. I don't like to talk about it."

"Well, maybe you should."

"So says the man of few words," Duo said sarcastically. Heero tossed the pen he was holding onto the table, yanked off his reading glasses, and grabbed Duo by the arm and pulled towards him. Duo found himself a fingerwidth away from Heero's face -- his very serious, very unintimidated face. Heero, meanwhile, had merely meant to get Duo's attention. He just wanted the guy with the jewelled eyes as close as possible, so that his next words would have more impact -- but with Duo that near, there was an impact all right, but not the one he desired or expected. Actually, he could feel the warmth of Duo's suddenly accelerated breath against his mouth, and he licked his lips unconsciously, wondering if he could taste Duo on his tongue. Instead, he felt himself growing hard, and he almost let go. He might have, if not for the fact that the confusion in Duo's eyes was murky with something else -- something more likely to be rising desire. The strange feelings that had plagued him since they'd met were steadily increasing as their gazes continued to lock. He had been angry that Duo would snub him, he had been frustrated and wanted to intimidate. But Duo looked mostly befuddled and curious, but not at all afraid.

"So," Duo finally whispered, "what was it you wanted, that you would accost me thus?" He blew a breath at a stray tendril of his bangs that was obscuring his vision. Heero's eyes were too beautiful not to be able to see them clearly. Heero shivered, and nearly lost his grip on Duo's arm, which he softened as he realized how tightly he was still hanging onto Duo.

"You know, I don't recall," Heero replied, and then looked away. Strangely enough, Duo wanted to help, even though he should have been furious. But he briefly swept a fingertip across Heero's lips, and asked the question that lingered in both of their minds.

"Before this, we both had girls. I've never felt this way towards a guy and never expected to. What is it about you that makes me want to kill you -- and kiss you at the same time?" Duo's voice was low, hesitant. Heero closed his eyes, thought a moment. Duo deserved as honest a reply as he could manage.

"I thought Relena was the girl I was meant to marry. You know, my true love. But whenever I'm near you, I seem to lose all sense of perspective, and not even my impending fatherhood can balance me."

"Maybe she is your love, but maybe she isn't /the/ love of your life. You know? What if there's one person that you were destined to find since birth, and Relena wasn't that person?"

"Then I don't know what I'd do," Heero said helplessly. "I've got a baby to think about. I can't hie off and make love to whoever I want anymore."

"And I've loved Hilde practically since we met, but one thing I've always noticed about her, is that no matter how much I adore her and how comfortable she makes me, she's like a familiar shoe. Not to be disrespectful, of course. But almost as if perhaps the person I'm supposed to love for all time is going to feel like a pair of fine leather boots instead of canvas sneakers. Gosh, that makes no sense, does it."

"No, I think it does. It's the same with Relena. But those headaches -- Duo, I can never remember the images after it's over. What if they're important?"

"Then at some point you'll remember." Duo gently disengaged Heero's fingers from encircling his arm, and moved away. "I can't think when you're that close," he said uncomfortably. He crossed his legs. "You asked about my parents. All I know is it was like the same string of bizarre accidents and such that seem to plague me. I meet people like Dorothy, fall in love with Hilde, and then I meet you -- and you turn everything I think I know inside out."

"I apologise," Heero said, then held still for a moment. He slid off his chair onto the floor beside Duo, and directed Duo's face towards his with a finger under Duo's chin. "Would you mind if I tried something?"

"What?" Duo asked in a barely audible tone.

"I'd like to try kissing you and see what happens," Heero said honestly. Duo nodded slowly.

"Yes, I think I'd like that," Duo said. Heero leaned closer and very lightly tilted his lips against Duo's. Before he could heighten the pressure at all, he was overcome by a pain in his head so severe he almost fainted. He reached for his head. The scent of rainwater was surrounding him, choking him, suffocating him. It was overwhelming, and while not unpleasant in of itself, the pain was too much to ignore. He threw himself back against the desk and breathed deeply, waiting for the pain to recede. He thought he could hear Duo's voice asking if he was okay, but the pain was like a cloud that obscured all of his senses. He concentrated on breathing regularly. At last it began to ebb, and flow away, only this time there was no sensation of memories lost, no true cessation of the experience except the sudden unexplainable loss of the pain. Just as quickly as it had incapacitated him it was gone. He opened his eyes, and found he was looking through a sheen of tears. He had not realized that the pain was so intense that he'd cried. His lashes were wet as he blinked them against his cheeks.

"Good Lord, Heero, you might want to get these headaches of yours checked out."

"I know," Heero said weakly. "But it didn't start happening until after I'd met you."

"If you think I'm a bad influence, I'll pack Hilde up and leave. I don't want to make you sick, especially with the impending responsibility of caring for a baby."

"No, no, Duo, really. I don't think it's actually your fault. Even if you're the trigger there has to be a reason. And if I don't piece together what that reason is, I'll spend the rest of my life searching for answers. I know you're not going to like this, but why don't we try searching for your parents and what happened to them."

"I told you, they were murdered."

"The year you were born? We can search newspaper articles if it was a homicide."

"Heero, I don't even know my own birthday. I never talk about this, not ever. You must be someone extraordinarily important for me to tell you this -- my deepest, most closely-kept secret. I lived on the streets until I was six years old. I stole to eat, I was constantly running from police, gangs, bigger kids. I learned how to fire a gun when I was five because my protector at the time knew someone was going to off him sooner or later. Not well, mind you, but it was intended to keep me alive. It might have, if I'd been able to keep track of the gun, but one night as I slept, someone lifted it. That was the same night someone murdered the only person to date who'd ever cared about me at all." Duo stopped. He flicked his wrist across his eyes, but Heero hadn't seen any evidence of tears. He wanted to wrap his arms around Duo and comfort him, but the pain of touching him -- even though it didn't always happen -- deterred him. The headache was still too fresh in his mind to take a chance. Duo turned his head away, then his body. He refused to make any kind of visual contact.

"It was a miserable time in my life and one I'd prefer to forget. After all, my dad, even with all of his shortcomings, has always maintained that I wasn't orphaned until I was six. People in my town don't realize that my parents were killed when I was a baby."

"I'm sorry for bringing up painful memories, but I think we both need to know what's going on. I think you've realized by now that all of these occurrences cannot possibly be 'just' coincidences. I mean, Hilde choosing my girlfriend to ask for help, out of all the choices? Several other people worked on that bill. And for the record, whether you consider those to be shameful memories, they don't change my opinion of you at all."

"Thanks for trying," Duo said dejectedly. "I've spent my entire life keeping that a secret, and I spill it to a guy who wouldn't even look at me when we first met. I think I'm a masochist." He kicked at the tile with the toe of his sneaker, causing it to squeak. Heero grinned -- an expression that Duo ought to have recognised as unusual for the generally stoic man.

"Perhaps. But I don't think either of us can deny anymore that there is some sort of unseen connection binding us together. For some reason it gives you distressing dreams and me awful headaches. Maybe if we can figure out why we're connected, we can sever the connection."

"Maybe," Duo said reluctantly. He uncrossed his legs and began to trace little diagrams along the legs of his jeans. Heero tried not to look but the simple, fidgety movements were oddly captivating. For several minutes they sat in silence, each wrestling with their private thoughts and wondering if their thoughts were the same. Finally, Heero stood.

"We should be getting home," he told Duo. The young man glanced up, then put out a hand for Heero to help him stand. Clasping the strong yet delicate longer fingers in his own, Heero was satisfied when there was no immediate pain. Duo got to his feet and brushed his rear off and tossed his hair behind him. As he did so, the scent of a fresh rainstorm filled the air. Heero stumbled. That smell! It was the same smell that accompanied so many of his painful headaches! Heero impulsively reached out and caught a loose curl of shiny dark hair, and with a reaction that would have surprised both Hilde and Relena -- but for different reasons -- Heero lifted it to his nose and sniffed. And Duo kept totally still, yet aware that for the first time it felt okay to let someone else finger his hair. The smell of rain-soaked grass and images of overcast skies submerged Heero. It was Duo who had been the cause of that alluring scent all along, even if it also seemed somewhere in Heero's distant past. He allowed the lock of hair to slip between his fingertips like a trickle of deep brown water. Duo still did not move, but instead enjoyed the contact of Heero's elbow with his forearm, and hoped that Heero wouldn't pull away, even though he knew it was inevitable. They had women waiting for them at home. They both had children on the way.

 

It didn't matter if emotions neither was prepared to accept were trying to overcome their good sense. They simply could not afford to fall in love with each other -- it was the absolute wrong choice to make on so many levels. But then why did it feel so natural, so entirely /correct/?

 

**************

 

Relena unwrapped the bright blue package and removed a tiny onesie in violet, guaranteed unisex. She lifted it up so that everyone could see it and smiled her diplomat's smile and watched as Hilde tugged a metallic purple bow from the handlebar of the baby carriage. They had gotten many nice and useful baby items thus far, but the gift portion of the baby shower was drawing to a close. Both Hilde and Relena wondered what their boyfriends were up to, but wisely did not voice those thoughts aloud. Already they had received numerous little baby outfits, several packages of diapers, a double baby stroller, a gift certificate to put towards buying a crib, pacifiers, bottles, rattles, and other toys. It had been a productive day, in its own fashion. Dorothy had attended, which had pleased Hilde very much, and Noin -- from their school years -- had also shown up, because she wanted to find out how her old friend was doing. Hilde was very surprised to discover that Noin considered her a friend. A friend of Relena's called Catherine had also come to the party, and she had taken her brother, Trowa, along even though it was generally a women-only get-together. Trowa had actually given them the baby carriage, though, so neither Hilde nor Relena wanted to complain. Hilde was getting close to her seventh month, and Relena was already almost two. As the wrapping paper was gathered and tossed into the trash can and confectionary goodies were served -- along with tea -- the many guests began to chat even more amongst themselves. It wasn't long before Hilde found herself cornered alone with Dorothy. The beautiful blonde ran a fingernail down Hilde's shoulder as she spoke.

"I hear that you and Duo are quite happy," she said suggestively.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hilde demanded.

"It means that he won't stay with you. It's not the way things are ordered this time around." 

"That makes no sense. Have you taken to drugs since I left?"

"Oh, my little fuckable one, why did you not stay with me? Or at least visit? And no, of course not. I wouldn't pollute my body with such things."

"I never had the chance and I thought it would be painful for you if I came back," Hilde explained, then began to walk towards Relena. Dorothy didn't follow, just watched with a sad expression on her face.

"Relena, Dorothy is saying such odd things," Hilde whispered to her friend.

"Just try and avoid her. Hilde, this is my friend Catherine. Catherine, my new housemate, Hilde," Relena introduced them. Hilde smiled politely, and Catherine shook her hand vigorously.

"It's so nice to meet you. Relena talks about you at work all the time," Catherine gushed. Hilde unexpectedly misstepped and had to sit down in the nearest chair, but Relena did not want to desert her co-worker just yet.

"I'm only about two months along, but /so/ excited. Heero's going to be an amazing father, and you really must meet Duo one of these days. He's exquisite."

"I know what you mean," Catherine scanned the room with her eyes, "I'm not sure where Trowa's gotten to, but he practically begged to come. He tends to be very quiet, so I guess it's up to me to tell you this. Trowa says that your Duo's name rings a very disquieting bell. He doesn't know why, he just feels like Duo is someone he knows. Someone he was meant to protect, somehow. But I don't understand it." Catherine flipped her curls over her shoulder.

"How interesting," Relena said thoughtfully. Catherine smiled again, caught her brother's eye, and patted Relena on the arm.

"We have to get going, luv, I'm sorry. But I'll see you Monday. Why don't you give Heero our regards?"

"Yes, of course," Relena replied, and waved as her guests began to leave. But Catherine's words echoed in her head. Who /was/ Duo? Why didn't anyone know anything about him? He seemed kind enough, and she did not truly doubt that aspect of his personality, although she /did/ wonder what he might be hiding. Relena shrugged, helped Hilde back to her feet, and the two of them gracefully escorted their guests out.

"I do hope that Heero and Duo were successful at whatever it is they were doing at work today," Hilde remarked, and Relena nodded.

"Me, too. And I hope they get home soon, because I have this creepy feeling settling over me," Relena said.

"You know...me to." Hilde rolled her eyes. "Must be the pregnancy. It will do damn weird things to you."

"Weird things like give you premonitions? Make you feel like your possible husband-to-be is your child, and that someone is going to die?"

 

\--+--

 

Duo and Heero walked home arm-in-arm, mostly to steady each other after the disturbingly strange day they'd had. Neither wanted to discuss it, and neither really wanted to mention it to their girlfriends, although they knew that they were going to have to. If there was something supernatural going on, the girls needed to know about it, if only so that they could help Heero and Duo figure out what it was. Dusk was tripping down over the trees, and finally Heero shattered the silence.

"What if your parents aren't dead?"

"Excuse me?" Duo stopped still in the street.

"I mean... I'm not exactly sure what I mean." Heero tugged on Duo's shoulder. "Let's keep walking."

"They have to be dead. Otherwise, why did I spend six years of my life a street urchin? That's not an experience I care to repeat any more than I care to think about."

"Did you mess with the computer at the juvenile center?" Heero asked, abruptly changing the subject.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"I just guessed."

"I had a feeling someone was going to come in and fix it, and that I was going to recognise them. One of those freaky dreams again."

"Was it me? In that dream that time?"

"Yeah..." Duo grew pensive. "I just have to find out what all this means. On the one hand, it seems harmless, on the other, it seems frighteningly sinister."

"What if it's both? What if we are supposed to solve the puzzle -- or the puzzle is solving us, as it feels right now -- and the solution will be relatively harmless? The sinister aspect could just be twinges of fate."

"Twinges of fate..." Duo repeated. "Yeah, that could be it. I've read about that -- sometimes things seem bad, you know things that are gonna happen, but everything happens for a reason. It could just be a lesson to learn."

"Duo, I don't know how this is possible, but I think I'm falling in love with you," Heero disclosed.

"I feel it, too. I think I am also." Duo brushed a finger across Heero's shadowed cheek. "I may have fallen in love with you a lifetime ago. In fact, it may have been you I've been searching for since I was a child."

"Although that doesn't explain our heterosexuality," Heero pointed out.

"Heero, I don't think of sexuality as static. Maybe we're mostly attracted to girls for short-term love affairs. But maybe you and I are the real, the lifetime thing." Duo linked his arm through Heero's again. Silence fell over them until only the crickets could be heard, then they returned to walking. As they did, Duo made purposeless small talk.

"I'm glad we decided to walk."

"We're walking because my bosses, who have security cameras in the parking lot, might have recognised my car."

"Oh, I see. Well, the walk home is nice, too. Heero?"

"Yes?"

"Would you try to kiss me again?"

"I only hope it doesn't hurt that much this time," Heero said.

"Yeah. But I just want to... You know, find out. For certain."

"Find out what for certain?"

"Whether it was the kiss that gave me the answer."

"What answer?"

"That I love you. Or could love you. You know what I mean," Duo said, throwing up his arms helplessly. Heero studied Duo for what had to be the hundredth time that day, then pressed his mouth to the other man's. This time the kiss was sweet, the warmth of Heero's skin welcome against Duo's, the smell of peppermint from Heero's gum and rainwater from Duo's hair evident to both. There was no pain, only the feeling that everything in the world was aligned exactly as it should be. Duo felt as though his heart might explode. Never in his life had he felt like he belonged the way that he did whenever Heero touched him. The dreams were distressing, Heero's headaches were painful, but there /was/ something good between them. Heero's tongue caressed Duo's bottom lip, but then the pain finally struck, and Heero collapsed onto the concrete.

 

//Wherever he was it was extremely hot, and he felt like his skin was going to blister, char, and peel off. Those violet, now violently-frightened, eyes haunted his vision again and Heero screamed, reaching for something that he could use to save them. That's when it became crystal, painfully clear: they were both about to die. The lovely girl he'd been clinging to had lost her grip, hit her head, and now she was unconscious, her dress curling amongst the flames... Flames? Yes, he saw, and the orangey dancing flames were advancing, and the heat was making his head hurt abominably. He tried to reach out for her, to pull her towards him at least, but he couldn't make his arms move...//

 

This time when Heero opened his eyes he remembered the vision. The fear that was engraved on his face was enough for Duo to drop to his knees and comb Heero's hair off of his forehead. He took the other man into his arms and rocked, even though he knew that ordinarily such a demeaning gesture would have made Heero very angry.

"What just happened?"

"I remember. Duo--"

"Yes?"

"I /died/. In a fire. Like -- how to make this make sense?"

"It couldn't be," Duo whispered.

"Couldn't be what?"

"I've heard about this, but never believed in it until now. I'm not sure I believe in it now, for that matter."

"Dammit, Duo, what are you talking about?"

"Reincarnation. It's the only explanation for how you could have died, yet be sitting here in front of me."

"Ridiculous."

"Except that it does make sense. It explains why you feel so familiar to me, and why I dream about your eyes. But it doesn't explain your headaches..."

"Because I had one in the fire, just before I died. There was a girl there, young, unconscious. I don't know who she was."

"I'm guessing you didn't know your name in the flashback?"

"No. Probably because if this /were/ possible, that would be much, much too convenient."

"Well, it has to come back to you sometime."

"I suppose." Heero rubbed his temples. He never wanted to be in that place again.

"Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm totally off, and it's not that at all. I've read about this in fiction stories only, after all."

"Duo," Heero began, still trying to ease the last of the discomfort in his head, "what was it that you were searching for when you got caught breaking into government databases?"

"Don't laugh," Duo said earnestly.

"I won't. I rarely do, remember?" Heero couldn't resist drawing attention to the fact that all of his friends seemed to find him too serious, and most thought he had no sense of humor. Just because he didn't exercise it didn't mean that it wasn't there.

"Very funny... I was trying to find information on my parents. It's possible that the murder was downplayed a great deal, although why, I'll never know."

"Oh," Heero said, attempting not to give away his shock that Duo would have begun to probe his own painful memories, and that he had decided to do so long before they had even met and Heero had asked the wrong questions. Or perhaps the right ones. Duo rubbed little pieces of concrete off of his fingers and this time it was he who helped Heero to stand.

"We had really better get on home, or the girls are going to be more concerned than they should," Duo said reasonably.

"You're right," Heero agreed.

"Heero? I don't think we should tell them about tonight's vision, or what we suspect. I really think it could all be just imagination and I don't want to..."

"Worry them more than they already are," Heero finished. "Besides that, both girls are going to deliver /our/ children. It wouldn't be right to just leave them."

"Heero, I don't know what I feel for you, but it's intense. Sometimes so much so that it's painful -- but you know that by now. I don't feel anything even remotely similar when I'm with Hilde, and frankly, it worries me."

"Well, I love Relena. I always have, since I first began to date her. Now she's having my child. Whatever this fluke is that seems to tie us so inextricably together, I am not going to sacrifice the person I love to it."

"If you say so. Just understand you might have to anyway."

"What is that supposed to mean?" They were walking again, and darkness was almost upon them. Heero felt defensive, ineffectual. In the face of something he could not understand nor control he was unreasonably angry, but Duo did not flinch or wince backwards. He kept a firm grip on Heero's hand in case Heero experienced another vision, and just continued walking.

"Relena may not like the fact that you're attracted to another man. Even if she can accept that, she may not appreciate it if you don't tell her the truth."

"It's not necessary right now," Heero said stubbornly. "If this escalates any further we will talk to the girls together and try and explain. But before we jump to any preposterous conclusions, I think we ought to do more research on both your parents and the subject -- and likelihood -- of reincarnation."

"I can agree with that," Duo said, and swung Heero's hand. "In spite of it all, I feel good -- happier than I've been in months, maybe years."

"I'm glad," Heero smiled, and meant both.

 

\--+--

 

Relena puttered around the house, picking up clothes off the floor, sponging down the kitchen counters -- and then sponging them again. She swept the floor three times in the dining room, and vacuumed the living room twice. She dusted the lamps and straightened the curtains. She looked in on the sleeping Hilde several times, then wiped down the bathroom. She washed all of the dishes by hand instead of placing them in the dishwasher. When she had paused for a moment, she chewed on her nails. Where were they? Why weren't they home yet? Had they gotten caught again? She couldn't make herself sit down and relax, so she turned the television on, then proceeded to flip through every channel the way that Duo did the most often out of all of them. She couldn't find anything to watch, so she got up and went into her bedroom, where out of boredom she brushed her hair a hundred times. Finally she couldn't think of a single thing more to do, and nothing was distracting her anyway, so she tiptoed into Hilde's room. The sun had long since set and the sleeping girl was outlined by moonlight only, and she looked content and peaceful, lying on her side towards the wall. She slept in their guest bed, a king size mattress, and even almost seven months pregnant she still had such a small frame that she barely filled the space of a twin mattress. Relena noticed that the shades weren't drawn, although the lace curtains had been pulled to obscure a clear view through the window. All of the baby items they'd received had been stored in Hilde's room, and Relena sighed. She couldn't exactly organise them while Hil was asleep. As she crept stealthily around the room, Hilde rolled onto her back, a hand slipping over her rounded stomach.

"Rel? Are you okay?"

"They're not back yet," Relena fretted.

"You shouldn't worry so much, they'll be in soon enough. Besides, it isn't like you."

"I don't want them to get caught."

"They won't. Hey, why don't you climb in here and lie down, and we'll talk. About whatever you want, okay? It'll take your mind off things," Hilde suggested. Relena thought for a moment.

"You might be right." She lifted the lightweight sheet and slid underneath it, then snuggled in close to the girl who had become her best friend. Hilde, in return, adjusted the sheet around the other, generally more self-assured girl, and began to stroke her back in a soothing manner.

"See, lately I wonder about Heero. He used to be so attentive, before he met Duo. Now he seems obsessed," Relena began to speak softly, unhurried, but the tinge of hysteria was clearly evident in her voice. Hilde continued to rub gently.

"That's a good idea, we'll talk it out. Whatever it is, it can't be so bad," Hilde soothed.

"You're probably right. In fact, I'm sure you're right. But still... Lately he seems so detached, so unavailable. I believe he still loves me, Hilde, but I don't think it's what it was. And at this point, I'm not sure what I want. I love him, but I don't feel right around him anymore. I'm carrying his kid, and yet I'm not sure I even want it now. Things have changed so much since you came -- not that I regret that. I adore you, Hilde. Maybe not romantically -- I don't know if I could -- but you're the solace I've always sought, and Heero's never been very good at."

"Men do try their best," Hilde offered.

"I know. But what if this is all wrong? Gosh, if you had to give up Duo tomorrow, could you do it? /Would/ you do it?"

"I'd have to, I suppose. Love is a freely given thing, Rel. Sometimes it just doesn't succeed. I've never been able to figure out why, but look at the relationship that I had with Dorothy. I may have loved her with all my heart, and it did not move her one whit. Whatever she felt for me... I don't know what it was. It wasn't the type of love I have with Duo."

"I imagine not." Relena shifted, trying to get more comfortable. "I've been thinking so much lately. What if I /don't/ really love Heero? What if I've bee confusing myself, convincing myself that I do? We're so young. I mean, I'm only twenty-three years old -- so young to be having a child and considering marriage. Heero's only my third serious boyfriend. He may not be my soulmate."

"I don't believe in soulmates that way," Hilde disagreed.

"You don't? Why?"

"Because I think your soul finds kindred asylum with anyone that you can love, in whatever way that you love them. I think there may be one person you are meant to be with, and that you will find that person, but that you can have more than one 'soulmate' -- so to speak -- and you'll just share your soul and your feelings in different ways."

"Interesting." Relena considered. "Maybe Heero's just a good friend. He seems so attached to Duo. I believe he cares about his baby, which might make him not want to be completely honest with me. Oh, Hilde, how can I break up with him? And for what reason? Because I suspect he's cheating -- with a guy -- with a guy who /also/ has a girlfriend?"

"Is that what you want to do? Break up with him?"

"I don't know!" Relena wailed, at last breaking into tears. She didn't know before it happened that she was going to cry, but once they started falling, she didn't want to stop. "I'm so worried about him. Those headaches, that awful noise he makes sometimes when he's asleep and dreaming. Hilde, tell me what to do," she said desperately. Hilde wiped Relena's face tenderly with the sheet that covered them, and kissed her eyebrow.

"I can't do that, my love. I can only offer you a sympathetic listening ear. You have to make your own decisions."

"I don't know how. I used to be so certain of everything. I used to think I /knew/ everything, and now, I'm so utterly lost. I have to break up with him, yet I can't. It's a stupid suspicion -- Hilde? Why don't you seem upset by this?"

"For one simple reason: I felt a long time ago that Duo and I were not exactly matched. I love him with everything I've ever given to a man, yet if I had to lose him to Heero, I'd be happy. Because he'd be happy. Because he's likely carrying out his destiny."

"Don't you wonder about the headaches? Aren't you curious about the babies? What's going to happen to us if they choose each other?"

"We will deal, and I am fairly certain they will continue to love us as their closest friends. Nothing is necessarily permanent -- not even death, not always."

"I feel like something terrible is going to happen."

"Something wonderful may happen, and the terrible will be the counterbalance. Just try and understand that we cannot always comprehend a larger plan than ourselves."

"What would you do if Duo died?" Relena questioned in a very small voice. Hilde tightened her hug.

"I'd learn to live without him. I'd be sad, and probably distraught for awhile, but I will always care about him, and I /will/ have his baby as a reminder. I will learn to rebuild happiness, which is what you will need to do if they fall for each other."

"I feel so crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy. But the electricity between them is blatant. They change the atmosphere of a room when they're in it together. They may not know it yet, but those two are destined to create some serious sparks in the scheme of things."

"Hilde -- how do you know?"

"It's simple." Hilde got very quiet. "Remember, today at the shower? When I spoke to Dorothy? She looked at me and said, 'I told you not to fuck him. I told you not to fall in love. He's meant for another, no matter how much he loves you, or how strenuously you both fight it. Remember this: You can fuck people, Hil, but you can't fuck Fate. Ever.' So you see, she told me. I don't know how /she/ knows it, but she's always been right about these things. Always."

"That's incredible. Did she tell you who he was meant for?"

"Is it not obvious? He's attracted to Heero as if they were two magnets with a more powerful pull than either of us could ever be. Now try to sleep, okay?" Hilde began to stroke Relena's freshly brushed hair, and crooned to her in a low voice. The song was comforting somehow, and Relena, despite all of her anxieties, at last drifted off. Hilde smiled into the darkness and continued to play with her friend's hair. Things might be changing drastically, but she and Relena would still make it. And hopefully Dorothy would stay out of it. They didn't need any more dire predictions -- especially not the one that Dorothy would impart next.

 

\--+--

 

Heero unlocked the back door and held the screen open for Duo. They entered the house as quietly as they could, not wanting to disturb the girls, who both guys fervently hoped were asleep. Heero poked around the kitchen, looking for something that he could make them to eat that wouldn't be too much trouble or too much work. As he searched, he noticed that it was already after twelve in the morning. Finally, he settled on making them cheese and ham sandwiches, and set about getting all of the ingredients out. Duo just watched silently, perched on one of the dining chairs just through the doorway, and occasionally kicked his foot against the table leg. He seemed to be deep in thought. Heero, meanwhile, was liberally spreading mayonnaise over the roll he held in his hand, and he'd already placed the ham and the cheese on the kitchen counter. He sliced the second roll and unfolded it, then turned expectantly towards Duo.

"Do you want mayonnaise on yours? And what do you want for a drink?"

"Sure -- but just a little, and iced tea would be fine." Duo continued to make contact with the table. Heero nodded and went back to rummaging in the refrigerator. He emerged with a carton of iced tea, a carton of milk, and one carrot. Duo raised an eyebrow, but Heero didn't answer the unspoken signal. Instead he assembled the sandwiches, carried them into the dining room, returned to the kitchen for the drinks, the knife, and two napkins. He sat at the table and passed Duo his sandwich, then took a bite of his own. He waited until he finished chewing, then took another bite before pausing. Duo had not yet even tasted his.

"Something wrong with it?"

"No... Just debating something."

"What's that?" This time Heero spoke around his mouthful. Duo bit into the sandwich and gave Heero an appreciative smile.

"Hilde did not get the whole story correct."

"What does that mean?" Heero asked.

"She told you I was in a juvenile detention center, and I was. But I'm not a juvenile and I was not then, either. My father -- you remember that sterling example of humanity -- made a snap decision when he found me that no one should know about my origins, just that I'd been adopted by him. So he said I was younger than I am."

"How did that work?"

"He packed us up and moved us to a different town. Then he subtracted six years from my age. More accurately, he told people whatever he wanted them to know. It shouldn't have worked and many times it almost didn't. But when they caught me for hacking, it came in handy suddenly. My father had deceived people well enough -- yes, even the government -- that they believed I was fourteen. I turned twenty while under lockup, but I've always been slender, and I've always looked young, and a little tampering with their computer and their official records all said I was fourteen."

"So you weren't looking for your parents."

"Yes, I was. That wasn't the first time I got in, that was the only time they caught me. Several months before I had already altered my records. This is why it looks like I have no past -- my murdered parents don't exist in the records I doctored. My dad wanted me to do it. And what's more, he knew that I looked like an angel, so people would believe me."

"Hilde was /very/ incorrect," Heero observed, finishing off his sandwich and wiping the crumbs on his napkin.

"Yes, well, she knew exactly what I told her. I hate lying. I mean, I really loathe and detest it, yet how could I disobey my dad?"

"Easily?" Heero quipped.

"I couldn't. He hates Hilde because he sees her as a 'security risk' -- his words, not mine."

"Charming."

"So now you know the whole story. I'm much older than I look, and I'd really like to set the record straight -- although I'm not sure Hilde would believe me this time, especially after I admitted to deceiving her."

"You might be surprised," she said from the doorway, arms crossed. "Duo -- I knew you weren't telling me everything, just like you both aren't now."

"You were eavesdropping," Heero accused.

"No, I woke up and overheard. You might have been more careful."

"We were hungry," Duo offered, looking very contrite.

"So I see. What neither of /you/ know is that Dorothy seems to know a lot more than she should, and you, Duo, are very lucky she didn't turn you into the authorities for fudging your age."

"My dad wanted me to forget my childhood. Can you blame him, or me? It was hell."

"Was it?" Hilde sauntered into the room and arranged herself in a chair. "Dorothy has told me much more than she should. It really isn't a good thing."

"But not everything," Duo assumed, and shoved his last bite into his mouth and chewed vigorously.

"No, not everything, any more than you told me everything. Look, you guys should get to sleep. It's okay, I understand, and I might seem upset, but I'm not, truly."

"She's right," Heero looked at Duo.

"Hilde, I'm sorry. I hated lying to you."

"I know that. Heero, Relena's asleep in my bed and I didn't want to wake her. She was fretting all evening and I figured she really needed the rest."

"All right. I promise I'll tell her soon."

"Good," Hilde approved, then got up.

"How did she know?" Duo asked, once she'd left the room.

"I'm not sure, but I'd wager it was Dorothy -- that and we're obvious. I mean, something is very clearly thrumming between us, whatever the hell it is. Come on, let's go to bed," Heero stretched. Duo pushed his chair in and followed Heero out of the room, but fell asleep on the couch as usual, and Heero went to his bedroom alone.

 

\--+--

 

Duo's next conscious thought was to wonder who was ringing the fucking doorbell at four in the morning. He stumbled off the couch and over to the door, unlocked it, yanked it open, and was about to verbally tear into the rude visitor when he recognised Dorothy. She gave him a cool smile, handed him an envelope, and brushed one long, deadly-looking fingernail against his cheek.

"Some of your answers are in there, Duo. Just be careful -- you may not have long to enjoy knowing the truth. In fact, you may not even find out the truth before it's over."

"Before what's over?"

"You got your warning. Rules say I have to warn you, they don't say I have to be specific. Enjoy," and she turned to leave, but Duo grabbed her arm.

"What rules?"

"You'll see, pretty boy. You'll know -- you just won't remember. Not until much later, anyway."

"Oh, good. Get out of my life, bitch," Duo snarled, finally losing his patience with her. He slammed the door. Nonetheless, her words haunted him. He wanted to see his baby born. He wanted to know what had happened to his parents -- why they had been murdered, who they had been before their untimely end. He flopped back down onto the couch, fiddling with a lock of his hair. The envelope lay on the floor, a gleaming white square in the dim light. He was afraid to look inside, even though she had told him it contained at least some of the answers he was looking for. He wondered which ones. Why did Dorothy always enter his life at the worst possible moments? It was as if she planned it -- but why would she? And what rules could she possibly have been referring to? He stared hard at the envelope, willing it to disappear. He wanted to find his own answers. When people like Dorothy dropped them into your lap, it was usually for a price -- and one that he wasn't keen on paying. As Duo glared mournfully at the missive, Heero came into the room wearing only his shorts. He saw the letter, he saw Duo's expressively angry face, and he sat down on the couch beside him.

"What's that? And who was at the door?"

"Dorothy. She gave me that and I'm afraid to look."

"Well, you have to look. Or at least, one of us has to open it."

"So you open it," Duo said petulantly. "She gives me the creeps. She spoke of 'rules' and gave me the itchy feeling I was gonna die."

"Maybe she's right," Heero said absentmindedly.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, we all die eventually. Dorothy may have been trying to scare you by implying it was gonna happen sooner than it will."

"No, I think she was telling the truth. I mean, I really don't think she would make it up. She's self-serving, yes, but not generally cruel -- even though I was angry. Open it."

"All right." Heero tore the flap, then pulled out a newspaper clipping. The headline read about a double murder, but neither Duo nor Heero really bothered to read the article, because there was a washed-out photograph in the middle of a man and a woman. They both "felt" eerily familiar, even though Duo and Heero had not seen them before. Duo placed his fingertip over the woman's face, hoping perhaps he knew who she was. He lifted it up to the window so he could see it better, and that was when Heero saw the scrawl on the back: /Recognise them? Doesn't matter. That's what you've been so anxious to see. This is the only copy that exists, destroy it when you're finished with it. NO ONE is supposed to know what really happened./

"It must be my parents. Dammit, Heero, I was hoping I /would/ recognise them, but I don't. I don't know what to think now!"

"Well, she said destroy when finished. Why don't we put it somewhere safe and look it over later. For now, you ought to get in a shower before we go in to work."

"You're right, as always. That's what I'll do, then." Duo pressed the clipping between the pages of a coffee table book Relena had left out, then began to strip out of his clothes. Heero averted his eyes, but it didn't matter anyway. It was still quite dark and Duo only disrobed down to /his/ shorts. Then Duo looked at Heero, bumped against his knee by accident. This time the flash of pain was searing and white, but brief. Heero shook his head, blinked, and refused to speak. There was no way he was going to tell Duo what he'd seen. No way he was going to give anything away. It just wouldn't do for Duo to know that for a second Heero had 'seen' the other man's parents, unconscious, bloody, possibly already dead. Wisely, Duo caught the expression of extreme dismay and chose not to inquire. There would be time for that later, he assumed. He was glad Hilde and Relena still slept, and he could not wait for the birth of his child. It was going to be a thrilling and terrifying ride, fatherhood. Duo smiled to himself as he climbed into the shower, imagining his beautiful girlfriend -- even if she might not be his girlfriend much longer. He thought of Heero, and tried to will himself back into control. When that failed, he twisted the water in the tap to cool, closed his eyes, and began to soap his long hair. 

 

Meanwhile, Heero had just kissed Relena awake and headed for the kitchen, still greatly unhappy about the meaning and purpose of the upsetting vision. How could he have seen Duo's parents?

 

And, Heero wondered as he started breakfast, when had he become psychic?

 

\--+--

 

Relena walked sleepily out of Hilde's room, refreshed and much more cheerful than she'd been the night before, even if nothing had really been resolved. She went into the living room, clicked on the television, and began to flip through the book she'd forgotten to put away last night. Halfway through she found the article that Duo and Heero had tucked inside, and she inhaled so sharply it hurt. /They/ might not have recognised the two people in the bad quality photo, but Relena couldn't believe her own eyes. The man and the woman bore the most striking resemblance to her co-worker, Catherine, and he brother, Trowa. She read a portion of the article, then sat back, shocked. There was no way the article could be real. She'd just spoken to Catherine the day before at the baby shower -- she recalled Catherine's cryptic words. Perhaps she should let one of the guys know. She twirled a strand of hair around and around her finger, unable to process the information dropped into her brain. She /knew/ that Catherine and Trowa were alive. Not only that, but they were siblings -- the law would not allow them to marry, so something had to be very, very wrong. She let the clipping flutter to the floor in her surprise, then, without thinking, she touched her belly. She had left Hilde sleeping, she remembered, because Heero had come in and kissed her forehead to wake her, and he'd told her at the time that he loved her. Relena shivered. No matter what any of them said to her, she knew that something major was going to happen soon. Heero could love her all he wanted, but that did not mean that he was going to stay with her. She had seen Heero in the kitchen cooking, and he looked and felt different somehow. It was as if his unique presence -- the sensation she got whenever he was around her -- had changed. There was only one explanation that Relena could come up with, and that was that Duo and Heero had spent enough time in each other's company to fundamentally change each other. It was a bizarre thought. Relena got up, her intention to confront Heero as he made breakfast and ask him what his plans were, but she was sidetracked when Hilde finally got up -- albeit still early. Relena realized that the entire household was awake before six a.m., and she stifled a giggle. It simply wouldn't do for her to become hysterical. Hilde meandered into the bathroom, either for need of it or to talk to Duo, who was presumably still in the shower. Relena bent down and lifted the clipping, then went purposefully into the kitchen. The sun was just barely slipping into the room, and Heero looked just as beautiful as he always did, his hair a terrible mess but his gorgeous eyes as unclouded as ever. She studied him for a moment. No, whatever had changed was definitely /not/ physical. Heero did not appear confused or under any kind of artificial influence, either, so it wasn't as if he'd taken drugs and it had altered his spiritual presence. She honestly didn't know what had happened, only that she attributed it to Duo, because her boyfriend had not changed until after they'd met. Heero finished at the stove, licked the spatula, and put it into the sink. When he looked up, he saw Relena in the doorway, and smiled with genuine emotion in his eyes.

"My darling, I'm sorry I got you up so early, but I thought you'd rather just have breakfast now than cook for yourself later."

"Heero -- you seem different."

"Perhaps I am," he said thoughtfully, then crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her lightly. "I do still love you," he reassured her.

"But things have changed drastically. I may not be psychic, Heero, but I can be perceptive. You would rather go out tonight and play on the streets with Duo than stay in and watch movies with me."

"Is that what you want to do?"

"I'm pregnant now, and always tired. I can't go out dancing with you the way that we used to. I suppose he could."

"Are you jealous?" Heero asked curiously.

"Not exactly. What were you going to do tonight?"

"Well, whatever my lovely girlfriend wants to do."

"Heero, I love you, and I'd love to remain your significant other. But we both know that there's something that doesn't line up properly about our relationship anymore, and I want to be friends. I want to stay here and cook for you sometimes. But I don't think I want to be your girlfriend anymore," she finished. Heero dropped his arms from her waist and looked deep into her pale blue eyes. She was right, he reflected, and he had been going to tell her, but he had also been afraid. For once he had been unsure and he had hesitated, but Relena, intelligent and perceptive as always, had drawn just the right conclusion.

"Well, my darling, if that's what you want... I think you're right. But I still want to father my baby, you know. And I wouldn't kick you out -- or Hilde."

"So you don't think it was a terrible idea anymore, allowing her into our lives."

"It changed things in a way that neither of us could have foreseen, but I don't regret it."

"So what will you do tonight? I think you should take Duo out."

"Rel, whatever unclassifiable 'thing' is between Duo and I, it's not romantic."

"I'd consider that carefully," she advised, then broke eye contact.

"I don't see how it could be romantic. I love you, don't I?"

"Heero, it's more than possible to love more than one person throughout your lifetime. I may not have the most experience, but it's still something I've learned from watching other people."

"So you think I'm in love with a /guy/?" Heero's disbelieving look almost phased her, but then she remembered how Duo and Heero acted around each other.

"Heero, I don't believe for one minute that you haven't considered whether you're falling for Duo, whether he's another guy or not. Sometimes these things just happen. You can't always control who you fall in love with, you know."

"It could be anything from a really close friendship to infatuation. I think you're overanalyzing this," Heero argued.

"Fine, maybe I am. What difference does it make? You have to make those choices for yourself. Just remember that being in love with someone doesn't happen based on gender. If you let that blind you, you could lose the one true love of your lifetime. And before you argue -- I don't think it's me. I don't think it ever was."

"But I /do/ love you!"

"I believe that. But, Heero, when you go out tonight, try to look at Duo with your heart and not your eyes. You might see something very different than what you expect."

"All right," Heero said, then placed a final kiss on her lips. "One last time, to remind myself that I love you, even if it didn't work out. I'm sorry I never married you."

"I'm not. If you had, this would be even more difficult than it already is. Serve breakfast, Heero, and take Duo to work with you today. I think Hilde and I are going to go shopping, redeem our gift certificates, and start cleaning up the guest room."

"By the way, Relena, while I'm at work today, do you want me to look through house listings?"

"I'm not sure yet. Let's see how it goes after Hilde's baby is born, okay?" She traced the curve of his cheek with her finger, smiled a bit sadly, turned, and left the room. Again, Heero was alone with his thoughts. It would help, he reflected, if he could make some coherent sense out of them. Lucidity, it seemed, was overrated in this case.

 

**************

 

In the bathroom, Duo was still rinsing the shampoo from his hair -- it took for/ever/ -- and Hilde had balanced herself very carefully on the toilet lid. She was growing more and more uncomfortable and was very much looking forward to the day that she would deliver her baby. She watched Duo's silhouette through the shower curtain as he washed, and was astounded again by just how physically beautiful he was. She was going to miss being able to study his beauty while he slept, and she was going to miss being allowed the casual, intimate touches that being his lover allowed her, but she knew in her heart that it was selfish to try and hold him. He would still love her, but as Dorothy had so calmly stated, he was not meant to be her lover permanently. She was inordinately grateful for the short period of time that she had been allowed to love him, hold him, and touch him -- and those memories would be fulfilling, happy ones that would last her long after he had come to his senses. If he hadn't already. The water cascaded down his back, and she remembered what it was like to run her hands down the shape of spine, and she sighed low in her throat. It was past time to get it over with. Hilde might have been amused to know that almost the exact same thought had occurred to Relena as she went in search of Heero. Hilde tapped on the curtain, and grinned as Duo startled and peeked his head out. She laughed at the sight of him, damp and dripping, insanely long hair providing a wet, tangled cloak around his body. That was the only thing she would really regret, she reflected -- not ever being allowed the privilege of playing with Duo's incredible hair. He turned the taps off, reached for his towel -- Hilde snagged it off the bathroom counter and handed it to him -- and stepped out of the shower.

"What is it?" he asked, lightly touching her shoulder. "It's not time, right?"

"Oh, gosh, no. Not for at least another month -- unless it's premature. No, that's not it. But I do need to speak to you."

"If it's about Heero, don't bother. The man is denser than a thickly populated grove of trees."

"It's not exactly. What do you mean?"

"I mean, he knows there's something going on. I think he even realizes that it could be critically important -- but he refuses to acknowledge it."

"I heard Relena telling Heero to take you out tonight -- no, not like /that/ -- so you should have time to talk later."

"After work?"

"Yeah, after work. Look, Duo, I think you know where this is going. You're stalling. I love you, I'm not sorry I wound up sleeping with you and dating you. But the time has come."

"You're practically eight months pregnant and you end the relationship with the baby's father?" Duo dropped the towel and began to finger comb and braid his wet hair.

"Not exactly. I mean, yes, I'm ending it. But I'm not gonna leave you -- not the way you think."

"You're talking in circles, Hil. You're not making as much sense as you think you are."

"We can all remain friends, Duo. But I can't be your lover anymore, and you know that. You knew that a long time ago." She tapped her fingers on the counter. In the distance, they could both hear the sound of a truck pulling away from the curb, and the tinkle of what could be the doorbell. Hilde looked up expectantly at Duo.

"I guess," he replied reluctantly.

"You don't sound certain," she stated.

"No, because even though I can tell there's something major and unavoidable between Heero and I, I don't know what it is. Or if I do, I don't want to face up to it. Looking directly into the face of fear is an ugly thing."

"I know," Hilde sympathised.

"Hilde, how much of what's going on do you understand? And how much of it aren't you telling anyone?"

"I have my suspicions, Duo, but I'm not telling anyone because I don't want to stir up things better left alone if it's not what I'm thinking."

"But Dorothy has been talking to you, too."

"Of course she has. She decided later that I was too important to lose -- that I was more than just a good fuck. She'll never admit it but..."

"Hilde, there's something about Dorothy. Or, more accurately, there is a lack of something about Dorothy. Just about everyone we associate with lately has this feel of ancient-ness around them. She doesn't."

"Maybe she's not part of whatever this is."

"Oh, I don't think she's part of it -- but I think she understands it. I think she knows exactly what's going on simply because it doesn't affect her."

"Duo -- you're speaking in riddles now." Hilde hoisted herself off the toilet seat.

"Yes, I'm aware of that. It will all make sense eventually..." Duo finished drying himself off and began to dress.

"You can't know that," Hilde said.

"Maybe not the way that you might think, but I've learned in the last few months that these feelings tend to be rather accurate."

"I'll take your word for it," Hilde told him, then gave him a final hug.

 

**************

 

Relena had just left the kitchen when she looked down at the photo still clutched in her damp hands. She put it back onto the table, wrote a note asking Heero why he had a newspaper clipping about the deaths of two of her friends, and got ready to go out. She was tired, and the conversation breaking up her relationship with Heero had been an emotionally wearying one. As much as she wanted answers, she wasn't ready to hear them at the moment. Slipping her purse onto her shoulder, she passed Hilde in the hallway.

"I'm gonna head down to the courthouse early today. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Sure thing. I'm probably going to lay back down. I'll tell you, as much as I want this baby, I can't /wait/ until I'm not carrying him anymore," Hilde complained. Relena laughed.

"You'll still be carrying him around, just not the same way," she said. Hilde made a face, then went back into her bedroom. Relena looked back, considered saying goodbye, and then changed her mind. They would still be around later when she got back, and if she had to, she could always stop by Heero's office at her lunch break. Fishing for her keys, she pushed her hair out of her face and tried to get her heels on, all at the same time. It was funny, she thought, how trying to make things easier on herself tended to make them more difficult. Relena locked the door behind her, got into her car, and drove to work.

 

Heero was the one who found the clipping and Relena's note first. He held it in his hands, uncertain what to do, utterly stunned. So Duo's parents were somehow Relena's friends? But weren't Duo's parents supposed to be dead? It was frustrating, Heero mused, that the more he learned the less he understood. As he folded the article up and placed it back between the pages of the book, he could hear Duo in Hilde's room finishing up his preparations to go into work. Heero would have to talk to Duo again about his parents later -- either at lunchtime, or when they went out. With that thought, he realized he should check those plans with Duo.

"Duo?" Heero called.

"Yeah?" came from the other room.

"Want to take in a movie tonight? Then we can go walking if you want."

"Sure," Duo replied. Heero smiled, went into his own bedroom, and attempted to tame his hair with a comb. Duo emerged from Hilde's room, where she had already managed to fall back to sleep, and entered the living room where he thought he'd heard the doorbell ring while he was talking with Hilde in the bathroom. He opened the front door with the slide latch still caught, noticed something small on the porch, and undid the latch. Leaning down to pick it up, he discovered that it was a brown-wrapped package the size of a paperback book. When he unwrapped it, he almost dropped it. The book was called "Understanding Reincarnation" and the woman on the back cover -- the author, it seemed -- looked uncannily like Relena. He flipped through its pages, pausing on the page about possibilities of reincarnation and who had them.

 

/"Not all people are reincarnated. Some only have one life, some have several, and some have an infinite number. Those who are reincarnated will often find themselves in situations where things feel familiar, or suffer from recurrent déjà vu. The people that they associate it are often -- but not always -- people that they knew in previous lifetimes. However, the reincarnated person must at all times be aware of those with only one life, because those people often have more to gain by the destruction of someone they are aware will be reincarnated. There are even publications of 'rules' that those must abide by. Those that are reincarnated often will eventually discover the truth of their heritage, and they have also been known to unconsciously seek out their loves from previous lives and keep them close..."/

 

He glanced at the cover again, and felt a rush of dizziness engulf him. The author's name was Amy Lockhart! Duo threw the book onto the floor. It couldn't be! Could Dorothy have known? Or more likely, had she not only known, and left the clues, but also sent the book? He collapsed backwards onto the couch. He was going to have to tell Heero -- but he didn't want to be the one who was responsible. Maybe it could wait 'till later. Duo closed his unusual amethyst eyes and put a fingertip to each side of his lids. He would think about it later, but first, he would take a five minute nap.

 

He only hoped he wouldn't dream.

 

\--+--

 

Duo and Heero sat in the darkened theater waiting for the movie to begin. They had walked downtown, which had been quite pleasant, and had gotten dinner at one of the local restaurants. As they waited -- the previews were playing at least -- Duo found himself raising the issue of the book, the clipping, and the inevitable.

"Heero, we got something very interesting in the mail today."

"Oh? What was that?"

"A book about reincarnation, written by a woman who looks like Relena."

"Strange... Although, not really. Relena found the article. She says the couple in the picture almost exactly resemble her friends, Trowa and Catherine."

"But my parents are dead," Duo reminded him.

"I know that. But if that book you got is any indication, if it's real -- any of it -- then it could be the same. People."

"Heero, you don't believe in this stuff," Duo pointed out. Heero was about to reply when the next preview came on and heralded the return of his headaches. He cradled his head in his hands and tried not to scream. He was in that burning room again, with the young girl still unconscious nearby, but too far for him to reach her. His head, his whole body felt scalded. Just as he was going to scream and screw his eyes closed, the girl opened hers.

 

//Violet. The colour of the sky just after twilight. A scent wafted towards him -- rainwater. It was too clear, too painful. It couldn't be real. But she was. She was speaking weakly, begging for him to help her. She raised a delicate, long-fingered hand. A diamond glimmered on her third finger. It struck him then, just before the falling beam of flames did. She was his girlfriend! His fiancée, even. The feminine shape of her face was familiar, the tilt of her nose like a snapshot of someone else's he knew. And he also knew, without any doubt whatsoever in his mind, that he was going to die. Again.//

 

When Heero finally opened his eyes, the movie had started. Duo was sitting very still, a terrified look on his face.

"Oh, Heero, I remembered my dreams. They're getting worse, more violent. More -- I can't think of the word. But--"

"It's you," Heero said without preamble. He searched those perfect eyes beneath their sculpted lids. "She was my fiancée, and she was lying unconscious, when out of the blue she opened her eyes. Your eyes." Heero couldn't believe it, but all the evidence was available to him. It was irrefutable. He could choose to ignore it -- but he didn't think that was a wise idea.

"You mean--" Duo started to say, then stopped. Wasn't Heero right? Hadn't he, Duo, been trying to convince Heero all along? Duo remembered the Asian girl, then met Heero's gaze again. "My God, you're right. I've been dreaming about you for months, but I was totally thrown because she was female. But I've never seen anyone with eyes like yours, /except/ in my dreams."

"A cruel trick fate played, for us to both be males this time," Heero noted.

"No, I don't think so," Duo said. "I think it was meant to be that way. I think we're very lucky. It doesn't matter what packaging the soul arrives in, it will always be the soul of my only great love."

"Your love?" Heero said, sounding uncertain. He raised a hand in confusion.

"I didn't know. I mean, I should have, but... If it's you, and I believe it is, then I've been searching for you my entire life. Once I'd found you, the wrapping was so different, I couldn't see what was right before my eyes. I had to let my heart do the looking before I really saw it."

"Duo, I--" Heero gave it up. He kissed the other man, and this time there was no pain. There would never be any pain from their contact again. Against Duo's lips, Heero murmured, "You're right. My one great love, and it /is/ you. I love you, Duo."

"I love you, too, Heero," Duo reciprocated.

 

It was at that moment, as their lips were still cradling each other, that the bomb which had been ticking beneath the theater for the past hour finally exploded. Duo and Heero felt nothing. But it was true, there would never be that pain again...

==+==

Dorothy was right -- Duo didn't have much time left, and neither did Heero. They were lucky they found each other again before they were so brutally separated. But they would have another chance to try it again -- many chances, until at last they got it right. 

Six years later, Hilde and Relena were examining their children, and they began to observe some very intriguing things. Hilde's son had beautiful blue eyes, and a mop of unruly dark hair. No matter what she tried, she could not calm it. He had lovely Asian features, even though Hilde wasn't Asian -- and neither was anyone in her family. And Relena's son, small and slender, had eyes the colour of violets after a storm, wispy medium-length dark hair, and a /very/ familiar smile. Indeed, he was also a bundle of ceaseless energy and his nose tipped up just a tiny bit at the end. Both of the children adored each other, and while Hilde and Relena wondered, neither wanted to be the one to ask.

As for Heero and Duo, they learned at least one lesson. They found their great love. They had only a few moments to treasure it, but they had also learned one other truth: they would get many futures to seek, find, and cherish the love that they shared. The love that not even death could separate...

Forever.

==+==

Sometimes love is the conclusion, the answer to the equation, the last stop before infinity. There are those lucky enough to find love long enough before that conclusion that there is time to delight in it. Then there are those who spurn love, and in doing so, seal their own fate. One young woman in this story scorned it when she had it, rejected the love offered to her by one who had it to give -- had more than enough to share. She suffered because she never had that chance again. She gave it up when it was placed before her, and she would not get a second, or third, or any other chance. 

At the epicenter of this story were two young men forced to make a choice. They could believe whatever they chose...but their beliefs could either bring them together, or force them apart permanently. Their girlfriends, more peripherally involved, could see more clearly the unenviable choices they faced.

 

But when both men looked into one another's eyes, they saw the love that had been burning there since the beginning of time. It had caused them pain to draw attention, and once they found it, they had taken their very first step. Love oftentimes begins with one step. At the end of this story, that first step was their final step...but of only one lifetime.

The two ex-girlfriends became mothers to very special children, and one went on to write a book on the subject of reincarnation. The other, still grieving over the loss of her boyfriend and his newfound love, learned the art of criminal science. No one ever solved the mystery of who had planted the bomb that had killed their close friends and former lovers, but in the end it didn't matter. She was very good at what she did, and at times they wondered...

What if Dorothy was right? What if you just couldn't fuck Fate? Perhaps she had the final laugh before the curtain fell that time. But what would happen when they got another chance to rehearse?

A thousand lifetimes can pass before a mountain ages. The young men of this story were given a great gift, and the only price they paid was not knowing that they possessed it.

Sometimes, love is like that. The greatest treasure can be the one you aren't even aware you have.

~end~


End file.
